Richard O'Connor
Psychology of bad habits
Richard O'Connor
Change Your Brain to Break Bad Habits, Overcome Addictions, Conquer Self-Destructive Behavior
Scientific editor Anna Logvinskaya
Published with permission from Richard O'Connor, PhD, c/o Levine Greenberg Literary Agency and Synopsis Literary Agency
Legal support for the publishing house is provided by Vegas Lex law firm.
© Richard O'Connor, PhD, 2014
© Translation into Russian, edition in Russian, design. LLC "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber", 2015
This book is well complemented by:
John Norcross, Christine Loberg and Jonathon Norcross
James Prochaska, John Norcross, Carlo di Clemente
Richard O'Connor
From Saint Paul's letter to the Romans:
“For I do not understand what I am doing: because I do not do what I want, but what I hate, I do”
I am a psychotherapist with over thirty years of experience and the author of several books that I can be proud of. I have studied many theories regarding human consciousness and psychopathology, and many methods of psychotherapy. But looking back on my career, I understand how limited human capabilities are. Many people come to a therapist because they "block their way" in many ways: they undermine their best attempts to achieve what they want, and do not see how they themselves create barriers to love, success and happiness. It takes painstaking therapeutic work to understand exactly what they are doing to themselves. But still O more effort is needed to help them behave differently. And of course, I notice the same traits in myself, for example, bad habits that I seemed to get rid of a long time ago. To our chagrin, we always remain ourselves.
Self-destructive (self-destructive) behavior is a universal problem, but professionals do not pay enough attention to it, and rare books describe it. This is probably because most theories interpret self-destructive actions as symptoms of a deeper problem: addiction, depression, or personality disorder. But a lot of people who can't stop getting in their own way don't get a standard diagnosis. Too often, behavior drags us into a hole from which we cannot crawl out - with all the understanding that this makes us insignificant. There are also stereotypes of self-destructive behavior that we are not aware of, but repeat over and over again. As a rule, most of the work in psychotherapy is devoted to recognizing such stereotypes.
So, the bottom line is that there are some powerful forces within us that resist change, even when we clearly see that they are favorable. Bad habits are hard to get rid of. Sometimes it even seems that we have two brains: one wants only good, and the other is desperately resisting in an unconscious attempt to maintain the state of affairs. New knowledge about how our brain works makes it possible to understand this duality of personality, give guidance for action and hope that we will be able to overcome our own fears and internal resistance.
Psychotherapists help a lot of people, but there are still too many dissatisfied clients who did not get what they came for. This book is for those who are frustrated, who no longer expect any help, who feel doomed to "score own goals" forever. It is for those who have never thought about therapy, but know that sometimes they are their own worst enemy - and these people are most likely the majority on the planet. There are many reasons to find hope now. When combined, the various fields of psychology and brain science can give you a guide to freeing yourself from any self-destructive habits that interfere with your life.
Models of self-destructive behavior
internet addiction
Binge eating
social isolation
gambling
An obvious lie
immobility
self-sacrifice
Overwork (from overwork)
Suicidal actions
Anorexia/bulimia
Incapacity for self-expression
Addiction to video games and sports
Theft and kleptomania
Failure to prioritize (too many tasks on the to-do list)
Attraction to the "wrong" people
Richard O'Connor
Psychology of bad habits
Richard O'Connor
Change Your Brain to Break Bad Habits, Overcome Addictions, Conquer Self-Destructive Behavior
Scientific editor Anna Logvinskaya
Published with permission from Richard O'Connor, PhD, c/o Levine Greenberg Literary Agency and Synopsis Literary Agency
Legal support for the publishing house is provided by Vegas Lex law firm.
© Richard O'Connor, PhD, 2014
© Translation into Russian, edition in Russian, design. LLC "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber", 2015
* * *This book is well complemented by:
Pump yourself up!
John Norcross, Christine Loberg and Jonathon Norcross
The psychology of positive change
James Prochaska, John Norcross, Carlo di Clemente
brain rules
John Medina
Depression is canceled
Richard O'Connor
From Saint Paul's letter to the Romans:
“For I do not understand what I am doing: because I do not do what I want, but what I hate, I do”
I am a psychotherapist with over thirty years of experience and the author of several books that I can be proud of. I have studied many theories regarding human consciousness and psychopathology, and many methods of psychotherapy. But looking back on my career, I understand how limited human capabilities are. Many people come to a therapist because they "block their way" in many ways: they undermine their best attempts to achieve what they want, and do not see how they themselves create barriers to love, success and happiness. It takes painstaking therapeutic work to understand exactly what they are doing to themselves. But still O more effort is needed to help them behave differently. And of course, I notice the same traits in myself, for example, bad habits that I seemed to get rid of a long time ago. To our chagrin, we always remain ourselves.
Self-destructive (self-destructive) behavior is a universal problem, but professionals do not pay enough attention to it, and rare books describe it. This is probably because most theories interpret self-destructive actions as symptoms of a deeper problem: addiction, depression, or personality disorder. But a lot of people who can't stop getting in their own way don't get a standard diagnosis. Too often, behavior drags us into a hole from which we cannot crawl out - with all the understanding that this makes us insignificant. There are also stereotypes of self-destructive behavior that we are not aware of, but repeat over and over again. As a rule, most of the work in psychotherapy is devoted to recognizing such stereotypes.
So, the bottom line is that there are some powerful forces within us that resist change, even when we clearly see that they are favorable. Bad habits are hard to get rid of. Sometimes it even seems that we have two brains: one wants only good, and the other is desperately resisting in an unconscious attempt to maintain the state of affairs. New knowledge about how our brain works makes it possible to understand this duality of personality, give guidance for action and hope that we will be able to overcome our own fears and internal resistance.
Psychotherapists help a lot of people, but there are still too many dissatisfied clients who did not get what they came for. This book is for those who are frustrated, who no longer expect any help, who feel doomed to "score own goals" forever. It is for those who have never thought about therapy, but know that sometimes they are their own worst enemy - and these people are most likely the majority on the planet. There are many reasons to find hope now. When combined, the various fields of psychology and brain science can give you a guide to freeing yourself from any self-destructive habits that interfere with your life.
Richard O'Connor
Psychotherapist with 30 years of experience and author of popular books on the treatment of depression, happiness and bad habits. Former director of the Northwest Center for Family Service and Mental Health, a medical center specializing in mental illness. He is currently in private practice with offices in Connecticut and New York, and consults by phone and Skype.
What is this book about
Based on 30 years of experience as a psychotherapist, the author offers ways to get rid of the most persistent bad habits - those that you are already desperate to fight.
You may have already attributed some of them to your “bad” character, the other to external circumstances. However, even when habits do not go too far, they make you feel guilty every day and eat away at a piece of self-esteem. You try to fight them, but, having suffered several (more often - many) failures, give up.
But there is a way out! Just because you're not perfect doesn't mean you're hopeless.
Many studies in the field of psychology and neurophysiology have already proven that the brain changes and develops throughout life. Forming good habits is a skill that can be learned in the same way as learning to play tennis or type on a computer keyboard. At the same time, it is very important to choose the most successful strategy when working on your problem.
We need a wise, calm and resourceful pilot who can take control of everything. At the same time, we must find such a person within ourselves.
Who will benefit from the book
To all who at times are their own worst enemy, who are familiar with
- inability to start looking for a new job or break off a bad relationship;
- inability to handle finances;
- inability to prioritize;
- excessive perseverance;
- perfectionism;
- overwork from processing;
- inability to express themselves;
- carelessness and cruelty to others;
- choosing the role of a martyr;
- procrastination;
- chronic delays;
- inability to ask for help;
- inability to relax;
- bad sleep;
- increased anxiety;
- overeating;
- inactivity;
- neglect of one's own health;
- smoking;
- alcoholism;
- Internet addiction;
- addiction to computer games;
- gambling;
- conflict;
- reckless driving;
- propensity to spoil everything just when everything is good.
All these patterns of self-destructive behavior come from the subconscious, so they are often beyond our control. Feelings of guilt and remorse will not help here.
About format
The book "The Psychology of Bad Habits" is divided into chapters devoted to specific scenarios of behavior. Each contains an exercise to work on the problem.
You can skip directly to the chapter that solves your problem. But in order to better understand human behavior, it will be useful to read the book in its entirety. The author often refers to scientific theories and psychological terms. However, always with explanations. In fact, this information, along with numerous examples from life, is given more as an illustration.
Richard O'Connor is the author of The Psychology of Bad Habits. In it, he combined knowledge from psychology and the science of the human brain, which will help people understand the nature of their actions and, if desired, get rid of unwanted addictions.
It is known that almost every person has certain bad habits. Sometimes he is aware of them, tries to fight, in other cases he does not even understand that he himself is destroying his life, looking for reasons in the outside world. But giving up bad habits is often very difficult.
If our brain only had enough understanding of the problem, awareness of the negative impact of this or that addiction, then everything would be solved much easier. However, understanding alone is not enough. Our brain seems to be divided into two parts, one of which seeks to change everything, and the other is trying with all its might to maintain the existing order. That's it about the features of our brain, the duality of our consciousness and will be discussed in this book.
After readers understand what is the root of their problems, it will be much easier to work on themselves, get rid of addictions. This book is suitable for everyone, even those who are already completely desperate in their attempts. After all, among bad habits you can see not only cravings for alcohol and drugs.
Human life is filled with a variety of destructive habits. For example, it can be overeating, dependence on virtual reality and TV, gambling, sexual intimacy, theft. Many people depend on work without giving themselves a break, because of which their relationships with loved ones and health suffer. They promise themselves every day that they will spend more time with their family, but this is again postponed until tomorrow. Isn't this a bad habit? They also include constant lateness, an unconscious choice of destructive relationships, the life position of a victim and a martyr, perfectionism. Precisely because the book explains how our brain works, helping to fight many habits, we can say that it will be useful to everyone.
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The Psychology of Bad Habits by Richard O'Connor
This book is for those who are frustrated, no longer expect any help, and feel doomed to forever "score their own goals." It is for those who know that sometimes they are their own worst enemy and cannot control themselves. Richard O'Connor, a well-known psychotherapist and PhD, explains why it is so difficult to fight bad habits, shows the duality of our personality and suggests ways to train the involuntary part of our brain, weaning it from destructive habits and changing our behavior for the better.
Published in Russian for the first time.
Quotes
You can't always get what you want. Some disappointments must be accepted, and some must be compensated. Feeling hurt or angry that life doesn't live up to your unrealistic expectations is a waste of time."
We all prefer to remember the times we did the right thing and forget the times we were wrong. So we can't learn from our own experience.
It turns out that when we attribute a value to something greater than its initial value, this fact affects our expectations and, to a large extent, affects our entire life.