Is it fair?
Where is the logic?
Many believers see and feel that in such a situation there is neither logic nor justice, but, not knowing how to explain the words of Christ: “everyone who marries a divorced woman with her husband commits adultery,” they hold a false opinion and say this: “Well, what But, as you can see, they must carry their cross?
But it's so easy to say to those who don't care. Let someone carry the cross... And if this cross fell on them, such people would sing a different song.
Over the long years of my life in Christ as a preacher of the Gospel and the author of a number of books, I have met a lot of grief and many lives distorted through such a misunderstanding that the innocent side must bear the “cross”, or rather, be punished for the guilt of the guilty. There were cases of falling, leaving the church, arbitrarily entering into marriage with unbelievers, and even entered into marital cohabitation without marriage. But even those who in such cases withstood temptations, remaining lonely or alone all their lives, were not happy. They became upset, dissatisfied, blaming, resentful, lonely and withdrawn. And all this for the sake of those who, when reading Scripture, use neither reason, nor logic, nor justice, rejecting the spirit of Holy Scripture.
In other words: a false understanding and application of the letter of Scripture without the spirit of Scripture has brought and is bringing very sad results today.
In Western Europe and America, this problem has long been resolved, perhaps too liberally, but among the Slavic believers there are still many fanatical people who hold on to this false concept, which in essence is straining a mosquito and swallowing a camel. And that brings trouble in the churches.
I don't think we should embrace Western liberalism in everything, but the issue needs to be looked at carefully in the light of the word and spirit of Scripture. I emphasize the word "spirit" because Christ taught so. All heresies have arisen and arise because heretics do not understand the spirit of Scripture. The Apostle Paul in 2 Cor. 3:6 writes, "He gave us the ability to be ministers of the New Testament, not of the letter, but of the spirit, because the letter kills, but the spirit gives life."
Let's take a few examples. The following words are written in the Gospel of Luke: “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.”
In this text there is no explanation about divorce, but simply - divorce is prohibited. A divorced husband and wife, if they remarry, will equally be adulterers. And it cannot be said that the letter of this text is incorrect. No, it is true, because if the spouses divorce not because of the infidelity of one side, but for some other reason (did not agree on the characters, for example) and both want to disperse, then they can do it, but in this case they should not enter into marriage a second time. The Apostle Paul admitted this possibility in 1 Cor. 7:10-11.
But if one party is innocent and adultery is committed, or only one party commits adultery, would it be fair and logical for God to inflict the same punishment on the innocent as on the guilty?
The Bible tells us that God is kind and just, and suddenly a just God would punish the guilty and the innocent equally, that is, they would forbid both to marry! Where is the simple, elementary logic here? Nevertheless, there are people who understand this way. And among them there are even preachers! Is this not a tragedy?
Abraham already understood that God could not act unjustly (Genesis 18:25).
Suppose, and it happens, that a husband hated his wife only because he liked another, and he, having no fear of God at all, began to cheat on his wife, mock her, and then left her with children and married another. Is it possible that a merciful God would treat them equally and transfer the iniquity of the husband to his wife? In that case, where is the logic? Where is justice in general, and even more so - God's justice? Is it hard to understand?
We will take another place in Holy Scripture - Matt. 5:32. Here it is written like this: “Whoever divorces his wife, except for the guilt of adultery, gives her a reason to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” These are the words of Christ. Is it not clear from these words that divorce is permissible only through the fault of adultery? And only then would a man who married another would not be an adulterer. But he who would marry this depraved woman, he and only he, would commit adultery,
In this text there is also an allusion to another possibility, namely, that a man who divorces his wife through no fault of adultery "gives her an excuse to commit adultery." This means that this woman, out of grief, offended by untruth and dishonor, can become a harlot, although in her married life she was not. It is clear that in this case an honest, faithful Israeli, and today a true Christian, should not marry such a fallen woman, although she fell through the fault of her former, unfaithful husband.
It should also be clear that if such an innocent wife endures her grief and ordeal and remains honest, although the depraved husband, having left her, gave her a reason to fall, then on what basis can one impose on such a woman the stain of a divorced woman and treat treat her with disdain? She was and remains an honest, God-fearing Christian. All her fault is that her lover turned out to be more beautiful than her, and maybe younger or richer, and her husband scolded the truth and succumbed to temptation. So why would a just God punish an already offended woman with further celibacy? Why should she remain single all her life? Yes, that's not all! Why should this punishment be so heavy that it should be transferred to a third person - a free man who would want to marry her?
Can God take the side of a depraved husband who has seriously offended his wife? Can God, instead of mercy to such an offended woman, punish her for life with loneliness? Can God forbid anyone to marry such a woman? Scripture does not provide such a prohibition.
If we, being evil, feel in our hearts that the punishment must fall on the head of a guilty husband or a guilty wife, then, all the more, a good God cannot allow such injustice as to make the guilty and the innocent alike adulterers! To admit such a thought would be blasphemy.
We have the same thought as in the previous text in Matthew 19:3-9. It tells how the Pharisees asked Christ: “For any reason, is it permissible for a man to divorce his wife?” It was so with the Jews that wives were disenfranchised and defenseless victims. Often, for the most insignificant fault, a husband could write a divorce letter to his wife and drive her out of the house. But Christ did not recognize any reasons for divorce, but left one. Here are the words of Christ: “He who divorces his wife not for adultery, and marries another, commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery." (Matthew 19:3-9).
From these words of Christ it is clearly seen that no reasons give the right to divorce and remarriage, except for one - adultery. If the wife becomes an adulteress, then the husband has the right to divorce her and his marriage to another will not be adultery, for unfaithfulness and adultery destroy the marriage before God. Already the prophet Jeremiah said: “If a husband let his wife go, and she departs from him and becomes the wife of another husband, can she return to him? Would not that country be defiled by this? (Jer. 3:1).
A Christian should know well and firmly that adultery is equal to death. It frees the other side from the adulterous half.
The God we believe in is a just and impartial God. He does not discriminate between husband and wife. The same right that is given to husbands is also given to wives. If a husband has the right to divorce an adulterous wife and marry another, then the wife also has the right to leave an adulterous husband and marry another and not be an adulteress.
This is clear as a sunny day, and one is surprised that some Christians do not want to understand this. Elementary logic says, and Scripture confirms, that neither God nor people can equally punish a wife for the sins of her husband, and a husband for the sins of his wife. And if the Lord forbade marrying divorced people, then certainly - those guilty of adultery and nothing else, that is, divorced through their fault, and not the innocent victims of someone else's sin.
These words of Christ (Matt. 19:3-9) give the aggrieved people the right to divorce and the right to a second marriage even if they themselves had taken the divorce. And what can we say if an adulterer or an adulteress themselves take a divorce, leave their innocent wives or husbands to the mercy of fate?! Moreover, it happens that they leave them with children, breaking children's souls with this.
Let's, for example, make a comparison of this sin with other sins, say, with theft. After all, God does not make gradations in sins. Sin is sin. “Sin is lawlessness,” says Scripture.
Let's say a thief robbed someone and got caught. Does it happen that the court condemns and punishes equally the thief and the robbed? Does it happen that people treat the thief and the robbed with the same contempt, reproaching him for having unreliable locks? On the contrary, everyone condemns the thief and sympathizes with the victim. And if someone helps the victim, then such a person is called a benefactor. It would never occur to anyone that someone who helped a robbed person would be called a thief, but this is how it happens with those who call an adulterer who marries an abandoned husband.
Let's take another example. A man is attacked by robbers. They rob him, beat him and leave him barely alive. But then a kind person was found, takes the offended to the hospital, takes care of him, helps him to get on his feet. Hitherto, such a person has been called a Good Samaritan, and Christ said, “Go and do likewise” (Luke 10:37). So does stealing humiliate the robbed, and stealing a husband or wife humiliates the victim?
Where is the logic?
To cripple a person's body - causes sympathy, but to cripple a person's heart and soul - should it cause contempt?
Where is the logic?
In all cases, the victims need to be helped, but why do the victims in married life need to be finished off or crushed with a heavy “cross”? Let him lie under him until death! ..
Is this justice?
It is clear that some believers, and among them some preachers, did not understand the spirit of Christ's words regarding adultery in divorce. Instead of showing love for the injured party, they begin to despise, and sometimes hate, which is tantamount to murder. Instead of doing good, they do evil, instead of helping, they impose a "cross", which Christ does not impose.
Sin breaks us in every way. God's principle and spirit of His actions is to help, save, relieve, comfort, heal and support in every way.
Satan ruins everything. The Lord fixes everything.
Believers should act in the same spirit. Sin stays with the sinners and never passes on to the innocent. Therefore, those who are divorced through no fault of their own should not be called divorced, but abandoned by a husband or wife, because they did not want and did not think to get divorced. Since one who has been robbed cannot be called a thief, and one who has been wounded a robber, one cannot call those who have been left innocently divorced. They are victims of their unfaithful and adulterous husbands and wives. They need sympathy and help just like the victims of other crimes.
But if we agree that the victims of criminals are innocent, and we do not exclude them from the church, then why do we blame those who marry an innocent or marry an innocent?
Where is the logic?
How can the sin of adultery on one side be passed on to a third person through the victims?
I want to emphasize once again that the abandonment of a wife by a husband is more painful and terrible for her and much worse than his death. A robbed person can again acquire what was stolen, but it is no longer possible to acquire a stolen husband, father of children, friend of the heart. He's gone forever, forever. The wounds inflicted by a robber can heal, but a beaten soul, a desecrated honor cannot be healed so soon. That is why such destitute souls must be treated with special attention, and not branded and humiliated with the shameful stigma: “divorced” or “divorced”. Why does it happen? Because some people stubbornly and consciously do not want to understand the spirit of Christ's teaching. And at the same time they boast of their piety, their righteousness.
If Christ could say to the real harlot, “Neither do I condemn you; go and do not sin again!” (John 8:11), then what kind of hard conscience should those people have who dare to throw a stone at the innocent, who have been so seriously offended and offended by vicious husbands or wives?!
The faithful party is innocent despite its shortcomings, but the adulterous party is guilty of the dissolution of the marriage and will be punished before God.
Let us not be “judges with evil thoughts” (James 2:4). Let us recall the words of Nicodemus: “Does our law judge a man if they do not first hear him and know what he is doing?” (John 7:50-51).
We are not a “holy inquisition” that judges as it wants and as it benefits it, but we must judge by a righteous court, bearing in mind that God will judge us all.
It's sad when people rush to judge cases they don't know and people they haven't even seen. Can Christian love, or the defense of Truth, be manifested in such judgment? Of course not. Isn't it done as it is written in the prophet Isaiah: “A deceived heart has led him astray, and he cannot free his soul and say: “Is not deceit in my right hand?” (Isaiah 44:20).
And, of course, in such a hand there is deceit, for there can be no truth in a court of law blindly.
Let us act carefully and learn what God's will is "good, acceptable, and perfect." People also condemned Christ, not recognizing Him (Acts 13:27). Therefore, it is very dangerous to judge anyone without knowing either the people or the deeds. In this way, one can do a lot of harm to innocent people, the cause of God and, of course, to oneself.
If... anyone has a faithful wife in the Lord and finds her in adultery, does the husband sin if he lives with her?.. As long as he does not know her sin, the husband does not sin if he lives with her. If the husband learns about the sin of his wife, and she does not repent, but remains in her adultery, then the husband will sin if he lives with her, and becomes a participant in her adultery. What to do ... if the wife will remain in her vice? Let her husband let her go, and he himself remains alone. If, having let go of his wife, he takes another, then he himself commits adultery. Well... if a let go wife repents and wishes to return to her husband, then shouldn't she be accepted by her husband?.. If her husband does not accept her, he sins and allows himself a great sin; should accept a sinner who repents, but not many times. For for the servants of God there is only one repentance. Therefore, for the sake of repentance, a husband, having let go of his wife, should not take another for himself. This course of action applies equally to both husband and wife (St., 94, 183-184).
* * *
Adultery is not only if someone defiles his flesh; He also commits adultery who does what is proper to the Gentiles. And if anyone abides in such deeds and does not repent, then move away from dealing with him, otherwise you will also be a partaker of his sin (St., 94, 184).
* * *
Fornication ignites first in the soul of the voluptuary, and then produces bodily corruption (St., 5, 162).
* * *
A woman who dresses up in order to arouse the desire of the intemperate for herself is already fornicating in her heart (cf.:) (St., 6, 106).
* * *
If a husband who has abandoned his wife has gone over to another, then he is also an adulterer, because he leads his wife to adultery, and the one who lives with him is an adulterer, because she distracted someone else's husband (St., 11, 13).
* * *
She who left her husband, if she went over to another, is an adulterer; but a husband left by his wife is worthy of an apology, and the one who lives with him is not condemned (St., 11, 13).
* * *
If the husband has gone away and does not appear, then his wife, having entered into cohabitation with another before confirming his death, commits adultery (St., 11, 45).
* * *
She who lives with an adulterer all this time is an adulteress (St. 11:46).
* * *
Woe to the adulterer! He defiles the wedding clothes and is expelled with shame from the Royal Bridal Chamber (St., 30, 72).
* * *
Adultery uproots in itself, who turns his eye to the bottom, and his soul to the Lord; and whoever prevailed over the stomach, he also prevailed over the gaze (St., 31, 228).
* * *
Both the thief and the adulterer feel shame when one person sees them; in what shame must they stand there, when both heaven and earth look at them! (St., 33, 101).
* * *
Completely remove adultery and false witness from yourselves; because they cast into the pit of destruction those who become guilty of them (St. 33, 114).
* * *
Do not hide in yourself an adulterous love for the world; and it is concealed by the one who has given in himself a place at least for the subtle root of vice; From this root, many branched stems will spread hither and thither (St. 16:88-89).
* * *
According to the teachings of our law, one should not, with lustful desire, even fix one's eyes on another's wife, because a shameless look is the beginning of shameless love, and only he who avoids such a look will escape sin. How can you, opening the belt of love to men, keep yourself far from the sin of adultery? (St., 16, 234).
* * *
He who looks at a woman to lust for her (), whether he is one or the other, will be equally punished for this adultery (St., 44, 107).
* * *
Fornication consists not only in intercourse or bodily copulation, but also in a shameless look (St., 45, 352).
* * *
The guilt of adultery depends not only on those who are shamed, but also on those who inflict it (St., 46, 209-210).
* * *
If those who commit fornication before marriage are condemned and punished ... then even more so after marriage ... because this deed is not only fornication, but is also recognized as adultery; it is heavier than any sin (St., 46, 214).
* * *
When a husband turns his heart to another, then, divided in his soul and controlled by the devil himself, he fills his house with all sorrow. And if the wife is carried away by a similar passion, then everything, so to speak, turns upside down to the very bottom: hiding from each other, one suspects the wife, the other suspects the husband; where there should be harmony and unity, people who should be one flesh (see:) ... reach such a separation among themselves, as if they were already completely divorced (St., 47, 596).
* * *
The gravest punishment, an unforgivable sin, if, having a wife at home, (the husband) defiles himself with harlots and commits adultery ... Hence - strife, abuse, destruction of houses and daily quarrels,., (St., 47, 789).
* * *
The temptations of this sin are strong, and nothing excites this age so much as this passion. Therefore, we will protect them from everywhere with advice, exhortations, fear and threats (St., 47, 800).
* * *
Why are you doing someone else's beauty? Why are you staring at your face? Why are you striving for the abyss? Why are you plunging yourself into the net? Guard your eyes; cover your sight; put the law before your eyes; listen to Christ, who, threatening, puts a shameless look on a par with adultery (see:) (St., 48, 182).
* * *
What is the use of pleasure if it gives birth to worms, if it exposes the one who indulges in it to unceasing fear, to eternal torment? Isn't it much better, having restrained a little the power of one's thoughts, to be worthy of eternal joy, than to suffer endlessly for a small satisfaction of vicious desires? (St., 48, 182).
* * *
* * *
Whoever loves to look at beautiful faces, most of all kindles the flame of passion in himself and, making the soul a prisoner of passion, soon then proceeds to make a wish (St., 50, 191).
* * *
Whoever is accustomed to gaze at bodily beauty, to catch charming glances, to delight his soul with such a spectacle, and not to take his eyes off pretty faces, he is already committing fornication (St., 50, 191).
* * *
If you want to look and enjoy the look, then look constantly at your wife and love her: no law forbids this. If you contemplate someone else's beauty, you will offend both your wife, turning your eyes away from her, and the one you look at, because you touch her contrary to the law (St., 50, 193).
* * *
Don't say: what's the point if I stare at a beautiful woman? If you commit adultery in your heart, you will soon dare to do it to your flesh (St. 50, 859).
* * *
If many even abstain from their wife when the time of fasting or the time of prayer comes, then what kind of fire does he gather for himself who is not content even with his (wife), but still has a relationship with another? (St., 51, 426).
* * *
If through cohabitation (husband and wife) constitute one body, then the one who lives with a harlot necessarily becomes one body with her (St., 51, 427).
* * *
Adultery is a lustful look of the eyes (St. 53, 805).
* * *
... (Adultery) is not a consequence of the desire for copulation, but a consequence of vanity, sensual irritation and excessive voluptuousness (St., 54, 19).
* * *
As in adultery, it is equally guilty whether someone commits it with the wife of a king, or with the wife of a poor man, or with the wife of a slave, because sin is judged not by the difference of persons, but by the evil disposition of the one who decided to do this ... And even I would call rather an adulterous one who commits adultery with some insignificant woman than with the queen herself, because here wealth, beauty, and many other things could serve as a deceit - but there is nothing like that, and therefore adultery is much more there ( St., 54, 778).
* * *
Flee from adultery, remembering that when you fall into it, you immediately become a lawbreaker, and you kill your body, and you shame yourself, and you subject your soul to torment, and you dishonor your family, and you anger God (St. John Chrysostom, 61, 132 ).
* * *
A husband against his wife ... sins in his body ( 1 Cor. 6, 18), but a fornicating wife sins into her own body, that is, against her husband, who has become her body. Why are there other sins besides one's own body, which, according to the law, is put together as one. For if a husband breaks an oath, or kills, or steals, or does any other grave thing, the sin does not extend to the wife, just as if the wife kills, or breaks the oath, the sin does not transfer to the husband; one fornication concerns marital cohabitation and union, and each of the spouses offends the other if he falls into fornication. He makes the legitimacy of children suspicious, and the whole house shakes at its very foundations. Why did Christ also say that a husband needs to endure all the shortcomings of his wife, because they do not apply to him, and only for one fornication he commanded to expel his wife from himself (see:); since this offense extends to the spouse (St., 62, 40-41).
If your eye offends you, pluck it out. Well, or at least read the list of what awaits you.
The other day we were praying for a man who is cheating on his wife. And one prayer struck me: "Lord, change this man's heart so that he thinks less about the pleasure he receives and more about the pain he causes."
It seemed to me that prayer was very suitable for such an occasion. A husband (or wife) in adultery thinks only about the moment, about fleeting joy and desire, completely forgetting about the very real consequences.
Just recently, I came across a seminary essay entitled "100 Consequences of Adultery." It was written by Phoenix Seminary student Philip Jay. The list detailed how adultery could destroy his marriage and life. I have selected only forty items from this list, and with Philip's permission, I will list them here:
If I have committed adultery...
- My relationship with God is broken by cutting off fellowship with Him.
- I need to seek the Lord's forgiveness
- I accept the emotional consequences of what I did, feeling guilty
- I will spend many hours replaying my wrongdoing in my head.
- My wife will be deeply wounded by what I have done. So deep that they can't even be described.
- My wife will spend endless hours with a psychologist for counseling.
- Departing from the injuries my wife will be long and painful
- Her pain will cut me deep too, causing my own pain and shame.
- Our relationship will suffer as the threads of trust, communication, and intimacy are broken.
- We'll be there but feel alone
- Our family's reputation will suffer
- My sons will be deeply disappointed and confused
- My grandchildren won't understand this.
- My friends will also be disappointed and will question my honesty.
- I will lose my job at the church
- My testimony of Christ will be worthless among my acquaintances and neighbors
- My testimony to my brother will also be worthless
- My testimony among my wife's family members will also suffer.
- I may never be hired by a church again
- I don't think I'll ever be a men's ministry leader again.
- God can punish me somehow
- Satan will rejoice in my fall
- Satan will make sure my shame never leaves me.
- My wife can divorce me
- My children may never speak to me again.
- Our mutual friends will stop talking to us to avoid embarrassing moments.
- I will cause emotional pain to the woman with whom I cheated on my wife
- I will bring condemnation upon this woman
- If this woman is married, her husband may try to harm her and me.
- He can divorce her
- Possible unwanted pregnancy
- My participation in the conception of an unwanted child may lead to the abortion and murder of an innocent child.
- Possibility of contracting sexually transmitted diseases
- Someone will conclude that all Christians are hypocrites
- My business will go down because the partners will have a reason not to trust me.
- Those I supervised will probably re-evaluate all my leadership over them and stop taking everything I said and did seriously.
- My desire to take part in the ministry will suffer, and as a result, others will also stop participating in it.
- My health will suffer
- I may have to start my life over
- Perhaps this sin will manifest itself in my family for another four generations.
Quite a sobering list, isn't it? What is even more sobering is the fact that many will take this list into account and still not stop on their way to sin. Fantasy for them will be more important than reality.
By the way, while the list reflects a man's perspective on the issue, the consequences of female adultery will not be much different. Perhaps the main benefit of this list is that it helps us understand the need to build the right framework to protect fidelity to our marriage covenant. If I am convinced that all this will happen to my family, if I choose to commit the sin of adultery, I will have to watch where my eyes look and avoid situations that are dangerous to my marriage.
The law of God can become a wonderful guiding star for every person. Do not think that these are prohibitions similar to parental ones. The commandments are, rather, the name of the laws of spiritual life, which are similar to physical ones: it is worth stepping from the roof, and your physical body will break; if you commit the sin of adultery, murder, your soul will be broken. The Orthodox Church is a spiritual hospital, a moral support, proven over the centuries. Alas, this is not obvious to every person today. In the modern world, with its diversity of opinions and opportunities, a person often loses his moral, spiritual, worldview guidelines. Today it is very easy to lose yourself.
The grief that betrayal brings to the family - adultery - is akin to the death of a person. And by fornication, that is, sexual relations, people resolve the integrity of their personality, their body. Many, living in a civil marriage, "trying" relationships only destroy them. According to statistics, most of these trial cohabitations end in a divergence, a breakdown in relationships.
Adultery is the crime of the seventh commandment
The commandments of God were given in the Old Testament to the prophet Moses. Today they have been interpreted and explained more than once by the Church and by Christ Himself in the Gospel: after all, the Lord Jesus concluded a New Covenant with man, which means that he changed the meaning of some commandments (for example, about honoring the Sabbath: the Jews necessarily kept peace on this day, and the Lord He said he needed to help people. The very names of mortal sins are also explanations of how the crime of this or that commandment is called.
There are seven deadly sins, and ten commandments, because not all commandments are forbidding, and sin is the failure to fulfill a certain commandment.
The Ten Commandments are also called the Decalogue (translated into Latin).
We note that by setting prohibitions, God takes care of our spiritual health so that we do not damage the spirit and soul, do not perish for eternal life. The commandments allow us to live in harmony with ourselves, other people, the world, and with the Creator Himself.
Adultery is the crime of the seventh commandment. It forbids sexual relations outside of marriage. The Lord also does not bless shamelessness, viewing frank and pornographic visual materials, watching your thoughts and feelings.
It is especially sinful because of one's lust to destroy an already existing family, betraying a person who has become close. Even allowing yourself to think too much about another person, fantasize - you denigrate your feelings, and betray the feelings of another person.
Sex outside of marriage - adultery and fornication
The Spiritual and Physical Level of the Sin of Adultery and Fornication
The concept of fornication and adultery has a broad meaning, that is, not just sexual intercourse. Fornication sins are
- Masturbation (masturbation), since it is considered a perversion of the God-given need for childbearing (nevertheless, priests are indulgent about this sin, which affects so many people in the modern world with its visual temptations).
- The enjoyment of certain fantasies, perverted thoughts also often leads to the commission of sin and is the sin of fornication.
- Especially applies to girls and women - the conscious use of carnal thoughts, vulgar make-up and clothing. Of course, every woman wants to please her own spouse or future spouse, and, in principle, to be self-confident, but even modern fashion gives a fairly wide scope for interesting and not vulgar clothes.
- Many do not consider different types of bed pleasures (petting) to be fornication and adultery, however, they also belong to fornication sins, they must be confessed.
To understand what prodigal sins are and not to sin anymore, read Orthodox literature about sins and about Confession. An example of such a book is “The Experience of Building a Confession” by Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), a contemporary elder who died in 2006. He knew the sins and sorrows of modern people.
The Lord does not in vain give us commandments. There are many cases when sins ruined people's lives.
According to statistics, most couples today “try to live together, that is, cohabit and sin with fornication. However, statistics show that those who did not cohabit before marriage are less likely to divorce. Often in this case, the man seeks to avoid responsibility, and the woman really wants to get married. After marriage, a woman first experiences a sense of satisfaction with what has been achieved, and then begins to "gain sight", to notice the shortcomings of her husband. Meanwhile, if people did not live together before marriage, the need for physical intimacy does not overshadow the shortcomings of a person, does not bind him to you.
It is known that today wives cheat on their husbands no less than they cheat on their spouses. On the one hand, if a man cheats, a woman can forgive out of necessity, because she can hardly imagine life without a husband (especially with a child), but polls show that many wives cannot forget this episode. Often they take revenge by mutual betrayal. One way or another, marriage cracks.
The betrayal of a married woman easily affects children. They receive little attention from their mother, and she, in turn, feels guilty. And if the marriage breaks up through the fault of the wife, the children may even stay with their father. Longing for a child destroys a woman - what happens next can be easily predicted, even remembering the novel "Anna Karenina".
In all these cases, it is obvious that the Lord does not just send some kind of punishment from heaven - people punish themselves.
Penance for adultery and how to repent in Confession
During Confession, a person names his sins to the priest - but, as it is said in the prayer before confession, which the priest will read, this is a confession to Christ Himself, and the priest is only a servant of God who visibly gives His grace. We receive forgiveness from the Lord: His words are preserved in the Gospel, by which Christ gives to the apostles, and through them to the priests, their successors, the power to forgive sins: “Receive the Holy Spirit. To whom you forgive sins, they will be forgiven; on whom you leave, on that they will remain.”
In Confession we receive the forgiveness of all the sins that we have named and those that we have forgotten. Under no circumstances should sins be concealed! Of course, you will be ashamed of the committed carnal sins, but name them briefly, without giving details: "I have sinned (a) fornication (or) adultery."
Perhaps the priest will appoint a penance for this grave sin. This is a special way of obedience adopted since ancient, apostolic times. It heals the soul, it is a definite cure for guilt and for changing lifestyles. Christ Himself and the apostles left the precepts of the Church, so that every Christian who crossed the line of God's commandments would confess.
However, the Church does not have a single list of penances for certain sins. Often, priests do not prescribe penance at all, limiting themselves to explanations, conversation, and suggestions to read the teachings of the holy fathers of the Church about this.
Types and possible options for penance
- Several - usually 40 days in a row, the pronunciation of a prayer or an akathist (long prayer);
- Giving alms to the needy or serving others in the form of volunteering for orphanages, shelters, nursing homes;
- making a fast;
- Regular attendance at worship services;
- Regular Communion.
In fact, this is the ordinary church life of people who love God. Periodic attendance at the All-Night Vigils in the evening and Divine Liturgies in the morning on Saturdays and Sundays and on holidays, daily prayer is the need of the soul of a believer.
So that your requests for a prosperous earthly life and salvation in the Kingdom of Heaven be accepted by the Lord and blessed by Him, go to church yourself, try to lead a spiritual life, do good deeds.
Work hard in prayer - pray more often, read the morning and evening prayers, which the Church blesses to read daily and which are in every prayer book. Visit the temple and pray at the services.
If you are not baptized, accept Holy Baptism so that the Lord will be your Patron and Helper.
Marry your spouse, especially if you wish to conceive a child.
If possible, help those in need: orphanages, nursing homes, charitable foundations - and just support people who share their sorrows with you, help in any way you can
Confession, despite the fact that many Orthodox people confess once or twice a week, that is, quite often, is called the second baptism. During Baptism, a person is cleansed from original sin by the grace of Christ, who accepted the Crucifixion for the sake of delivering all people from sins. And during repentance at confession, we get rid of new sins that we have committed throughout our life path.
At home, prepare for Confession - write down the sins that you remember, realizing your wrong and promising God not to repeat these mistakes. Confession usually takes place half an hour before the start of each Liturgy (you need to find out about its time from the schedule) in any Orthodox church.
Prayers to avoid the temptation of adultery
They pray about this to the Monk Mary of Egypt - the great ancient saint. From her youth, she was ... a prostitute, and had sex not only for food, but just for the sake of pleasure. However, the Lord enlightened her with a terrible vision, and the future saint sincerely repented - she retired to the desert, where she ate almost nothing and repented for 40 years, enduring mental temptations, but not giving up. They pray to her that she is not so attracted to carnal pleasures and to avoid consent to sin, sinful thoughts:
“O great saint of Christ, reverend mother Mary! Hear my unworthy prayer, the sinful servant (slave) of God (God) (name), deliver me, O reverend mother, from the passions that attack our souls, from sadness and sinful danger that has come, from sudden death and from any evil. At the time of our departure to the Lord, O holy saint, drive away all evil thoughts, so that we worthily confess all our sins both now and before death, deliver us from the evil spirits, so that we may receive our souls in peace in His bright paradise Christ the Lord God ours, because only He gives the cleansing of sins, and He Himself saves our souls, and glory, honor and worship are due to Him, in the Holy Trinity forever. Amen"
Through the prayers of St. Mary of Egypt, God bless you!