“In front of the camera, the tooth fell out again. We stuck it on the gum and continued filming. The tooth was lost then all the time,” says Daria Dontsova.
"Oh, that was very funny." It was unexpected to hear this from Daria Dontsova in a conversation about breast cancer, which she survived. But the famous detective writer believes that whining in the fight against cancer is harmful and inappropriate.
"You to the oncologist"
I found out about my cancer by accident. For a long time I felt discomfort in the chest area, but I did not attach much importance to this. I went to rest in Tunisia with my family and a surgeon friend. I remember we were standing in a booth, changing clothes, and then a friend asks: “What is this?” I answer with a laugh: “A bust has grown in old age, can you imagine? There was always a minus the first size, and then suddenly such wealth rolled! I see that her face has changed: “We urgently need to fly to Moscow, immediately!” But I stayed. I have a husband and a child here. How can I leave, I'm a Soviet woman. Once you came to rest, you can’t let your family down ...
In Moscow, too, she did not rush to the doctor: she thought it was just mastopathy. And then I woke up in the morning and saw blood stains on the pillow. I had to call that same friend-surgeon, so that she would advise which doctor to go to, but I'm the smartest of all! I went to the district clinic. She showed herself to the doctor, who, averting his eyes, said: “You need to see an oncologist.” I went to the doctor to whom I was referred. An uncle about 50 years old is sitting. “Oh, girl, what village did you come from?” - "I'm a Muscovite." “What, you, a Muscovite, never went to the examination? You have three months to live. Fourth stage of oncology. Everything is very bad, no one will undertake to operate. Unless I dare. But you need to pay so much to the anesthesiologist, so much to the elder sister, so much is "chemistry", so much radiation, so much, so much ... ”Amounts fell on me like stones. My husband and I don't have that kind of money. Selling an apartment?
"Marry my husband!"
I left the hospital, I sit at the bus stop and roar. What am I to do now? The weather is beautiful, the sun is shining, everyone will live, but I will not be. I cried, cried, then I think: “I have three children, two grandmothers, a pack of dogs and cats. Grandmothers - mother and mother-in-law - of course, are good, but God forbid, their characters are just a nightmare. Who can stand my old women? Yes, no one, no one to give them. My husband is 47 years old, doctor of sciences, professor, he will not remain a widower for a long time, someone will immediately marry him to himself. What about children? Okay, boys, they're almost adults. But Masha is 10 years old, how can she be without a mother? What will happen to dogs and cats? It got so sour. We need to find a way, I think. Do you know what came to mind? I remembered everything about the same surgeon-girlfriend Oksana. Not married, cooks well, her son is my Masha's best friend. She needs to marry my husband! I got on the bus and went to her. Tears are dripping, snot is pouring, the handkerchief is wet... The conductor looked at me, she didn't even take the money. She probably thought: “Oh, it’s bad, my aunt got off at the Oncological Hospital bus stop.”
I went to my friend's apartment and from the threshold said: "You must marry my husband." We must give her credit, Oksana immediately replied: “Of course! Just explain why." I told everything. She exploded: “This doctor is an idiot, they don’t draw any conclusions without tests, he breeds patients for money! Bastard!
And gave me a phone Igor Anatolyevich Groshev with whom I once worked together. Of course, I immediately rushed to him, saw a nice young man who, after examination, said to me: “I can’t say that we see a pleasant picture here, but we will be treated.” - "So, do not die?" - I ask. "Everyone will die, but you - obviously not now." These words had a very good effect on me then. But I left the hospital and sobbed again. The worst thoughts were spinning in my head ... What will happen if I die anyway? And then... Just don't laugh! A week before I found out about the disease, I hung curtains in the house. She herself chose a maroon beautiful material, she sewed it herself. And the children and my husband criticized me: it became very dark in the rooms, it was necessary to change the curtains. Naturally, I was indignant: “No, I won’t take it off!” And for several days we had the same conversation in our house: all my family members said: “Mom, give us back the old curtains.” I’m going after a meeting with Groshev and I think: “After my death, my husband will marry, a woman will come to the house, she will remove my curtains.” And I got so angry! Immediately the tears dried up, I decided: “Something must be done. I was promised that I would not die. So I will fight."
I was treated at the 69th hospital, free of charge. Has gone through several surgeries. Two large, several hours each. When they start telling me that all this is impossible to endure because of the pain, it’s so funny. You are sleeping under anesthesia, you do not feel anything. And the postoperative period is also not painful. But there is a small nuisance: your hand then does not rise, due to the fact that the lymph node is removed. Some of the women complain: “I had a breast amputation many years ago, you see, my arm is hanging, you understand how badly they operated on me.” As a rule, I answer: “The doctor did everything well, it’s just that the hand needs to be developed, special exercises should be done. It's unpleasant, but if you're lazy, you'll be disabled. No need to feel sorry for yourself, it prevents you from recovering.
"I'm being bullied like a rat!" I thought
After chemotherapy, as a rule, he is sick. I have a book called "My Husband's Wife" written on the toilet. There was a third or fourth "chemistry", and I felt, to put it mildly, not very much. In our apartment in the Stalinist building there was a large bathroom, where I sat on a bench and wrote a novel. When I felt bad, she put down the pen, lifted the toilet lid, then closed it and again sat down on the bench to write a book. I was afraid to go far.
When you go through chemotherapy, you get tired. "Chemistry" is a poison, but you can't do without it, it kills "bad" cells, which, after an operation with a blood stream, can spread throughout the body. Chemotherapy is our chance for life. When people refuse such treatment, it is so stupid! You lose the opportunity to recover. I remember it was a funny situation. I was on a course of a drug called cyclophosphamide. I went to the flower shop for plant pots. I look, near the entrance there is a huge bag with the inscription: "Cyclophosphamide, poison for the fight against garden rodents." I thought: “Oh-oh-oh! I'm being poisoned like a rat, how interesting!"
The chemo made me sick just from the sight of food. All the time. Every minute. It was much more unpleasant than losing hair. They usually fall out slowly. And I woke up one morning and I feel: my head is somehow cold. I went to the bathroom, I look in the mirror: “Who is this?” For a second it seemed that someone I did not know entered. And then I realize: I'm bald. How should I react to this? The bathroom is open, my daughter flies in, stretches out in surprise: “Ahhh ...” The middle son Dima enters, silently looks at me. I finally found something to say: “I should probably put on a handkerchief and go to work.” At this moment, Masha, who was 11 years old, is carried away somewhere. He comes running in 10 minutes with a wig, they were then traded next to our house in the underpass. My daughter pulls a wig on me and says: “Mom, you are beautiful!” Dima is standing behind: “Mom, you are the best!” And at that time we had a dog, a black poodle ... I look at myself in the mirror, and Cherry looks at me from there. In any case, our "hairstyles" were exactly the same. It's hot, summer... I went to work. A wig is a warm hat. It's stuffy in the metro, a synthetic wig, of poor quality, shiny, terrible ... At some point I understand: I'm about to faint. I took off my hair and put it in my bag. The people sitting next to me were dumbfounded. I think they will remember me for the rest of my life.
My hair fell out unevenly and stuck out in such bushes. My husband and I had a friend Volodya Tsekhnovicher, candidate of psychological sciences. And his wife is a hairdresser. I asked her to come and do something about my terrible head. What could be done with her? Just shave with a razor. And here I am sitting in the bathroom, Katya turned her friend's head into a billiard ball, and at that moment the door opens, Vovka appears, who knows nothing about. He sees me bald, Katya with a typewriter, says three words that cannot be printed in a newspaper, and shouts: “Oh, oh, you stupid pet girl, what did you do to her ?!” This phrase has remained in our everyday life forever. I sometimes jokingly say to my friend: “Katka, you stupid pet girl, why did you do some nonsense again?”
When my first novel was being prepared for publication, it turned out that I needed a photo for the cover. (Shows a book.) Look at this mummy. I weigh 32 or 33 kilos here and I have dark hair. I have never been a brunette. This hairstyle was designed by an artist. A picture of a bald girl is a little outrageous to place on the cover of a book ...
See, today I have a mane again. Most people's hair becomes better after chemotherapy, and some even begin to curl. I kept waiting for my curls, but no, it didn’t work out.
And let the cancer choke!
I took hormones for 10 years. Due to therapy, weight problems began. I can’t convey how I wanted to eat, no, eat! There was a period when I put on a kilogram in a week. Before the operation, I weighed 45 kg, and then suddenly the scales showed 60. I realized: in a year it will become 72, and then 82. Something must be done. I removed half of the food, instead of two cutlets I left one. Weight fell, then there was joy! And then the body got used to this diet - and the arrow of the scales again began to go to the right. I forgot about sweet, flour, fatty, potatoes, butter, cottage cheese. Then about everything else. In the end, I was left with a leaf of lettuce and half a zucchini. But she continued to get fat! And then I went to the gym. I told the coach about my diagnosis and problems with weight. Instructor Maxim started chasing me like a bug. And still drives, for more than 10 years. The weight gradually began to decline, and now I still weigh my 45 kg. I don’t want to say that it was easy for me, I went to the pastry department of the supermarket to sniff cakes. Once I look at the window and dream: “I will buy and eat around the corner. Nobody will see." And then a hundred-kilogram aunt taxis to the counter: "I need these 10 pieces, these 10." I looked at her and decided: “No, I won’t eat “potatoes”. And now I just don't want sweets anymore.
Complexes about your appearance? There were none. There were problems that needed to be addressed. For example, the trouble with the teeth began. And for 5 years I was banned from prosthetics - after radiation therapy there was poor blood clotting. The dentist came up with some things for me on screws, with the help of which artificial teeth were fixed. I come to TV for filming. My front tooth falls out in front of the camera. I run to the dressing room: "Do something!" And they put a tooth on my gum. Fortunately, after a few years, the doctor allowed to put crowns.
Hair, teeth and weight - actually nonsense. It is not important. The main thing is to understand that you can fight cancer and live quite comfortably. If you were told "oncology", this does not mean that the next station is "crematorium".
I confess that I, too, was in a decadent mood for some time due to illness. But it turned out to be even harder for my whole family: a sobbing creature walked around the house, which reacted inadequately to words. First, “chemistry”, then hormones did not influence my character in the best way ... And then it became clear: you can’t turn into a professional patient, otherwise cancer will eat me. No need to moan: “Why did this happen to me?” We need to understand WHY! Moreover, my illness is my luck! Because it is a chance to rethink and fix your life. I decided to live more cheerful and happy. I realized that you need to deal with your own emotions, they can be controlled like arms and legs.
"You got rid of the traitor!"
I was lucky with the surgeon. Nothing can be brought into the intensive care unit - for reasons of sterility. They usually lie there for 3-4 days, a maximum of a week. And I settled in this block. Since several operations were planned and they went one after another, the sick Dontsova was decided not to be taken out of this ward at all. I was such a beauty: all in tubes. After all, resuscitation is not divided into male and female ... I was not lucky: there were men lying near me who whined endlessly. They opened their eyes in the morning and moaned: “We will die. We hurt there, we hurt here.” They bored me so much! I looked askance at them, looked askance, and then I said: “Guys, you will die for sure. I know a hundred pounds, so it will be - because you have already surrendered. I'm not going to that world." For days on end I dreamed: if only these terrible whiners were removed from me. I had to somehow distract myself ... I complained to Igor Anatolyevich, my surgeon. And he said to my husband: “Your wife is not very comfortable right now. Can you think of something?" Alexander Ivanovich came home, snatched the first children's book from the shelf so that it would serve me as a "desk", took a pack of paper, a pen and brought it all to the intensive care unit with the words: "You've been dreaming of writing a book all your life."
I sit and think: how do people write books? Probably, they start with the first phrase ... The hand itself scrawled: "I got married many times." And it started, I just couldn't stop. She left the hospital with three manuscripts.
And about those whiners... Recently I talked with a major oncologist - we discussed a charity program. I asked, “Why do some people die of cancer while others are cured?” He fumed and pointed to a long corridor in his hospital: “Yes, I have a lot of people in the department who are dying because they are sure that they will die.”
And my husband, doctor of psychological sciences, professor and academician, says this: “If in our society it was considered shameful (how shameful, for example, to go naked down the street) to die earlier than 150 years old, then we would all live more than 150 years. years!" Everything is inside our head.
I now wear a prosthesis instead of a breast. Yes, you can make silicone implants, but I basically abandoned this idea. My body has had enough surgery. In general, I can’t understand the excitement around the female bust! Why does it have to be huge? Women often come up to me: “My chest was amputated, and after the operation my husband left me, now I’m ugly, he couldn’t sleep in the same bed with me, he ran away.” I always answer: "Rejoice, you got rid of the traitor, there will be new love in your life."
How did my husband react to my new body? Firstly, Alexander Ivanovich is a professional psychologist, and secondly, he loves me very much. For us, the absence or presence of a bust does not matter, the main thing is that I survived.
“Healers” must be driven out!”
I always say: people, please learn from my stupidity! If I had consulted a doctor earlier, if I had detected oncology at the initial stage, many unpleasant sensations could have been avoided. You need to go to the doctor at least once a year. The first stage of breast cancer is cured in 98.5% of cases - this is more than with the flu. Just do not go to psychics, grandmas, healers. How many times have I heard: drink kerosene - it helps a lot with cancer. Or eat rotten chicken eggs buried under a bush. I will not tell you all the "secret methods" that rogues "treat" from oncology. Such "doctors", in my opinion, should be severely punished, because they are, in essence, murderers. Once I, a completely non-aggressive person, beat on the recordings of one well-known TV show of a similar “healer”. This man began to say: “chemistry” poisons and kills us, but we just need to correct the aura, we will be treated by the laying on of hands. And he began to wave his hands ... It was then that I hit him on the top of the head with a microphone!
I really don't like to say the words: "Look at me," but now they are appropriate. I am the same as millions of women in our country, I have the same sorrows and joys with you. And as an anatomical organism, I am similar to the rest, my liver, lungs, kidneys and heart work like other people. I am just like you, both mentally and physically. Look at me, take my example. If I, so similar to you, managed to recover from oncology, what prevents you from defeating cancer? Never give up!
A very life-affirming interview with Daria Dontsova, who wrote 130 novels in 13 years with a total circulation of 130 million (!) copies.
Our conversation with Daria began with her phrase: “Did you want to hear something smart from a blonde? In vain! We didn't believe her, and we were right. Her knowledge of life, logic, iron will and sense of humor made us believe that Daria controls her thoughts in the same way as her hands and feet.
OUR PSYCHOLOGY: Do you love yourself?
DARYA DONTSOVA: Yes, of course!
NP: What are you afraid of?
DD: Virtually nothing.
NP: What is your method of dealing with stress?
I do not experience stress at all, so there are no special methods of dealing with it.
NP: Have you ever been depressed?
DD: No, no, no. I don't think it exists at all. Depression is a serious clinical diagnosis. When a person lies on the couch, looks at the wall, does not eat, does not drink, refuses to get up, his hands are shaking, he is sick, he has diarrhea - these are clinical signs of real depression. And if you are reluctant to go to work, then this is laziness, not depression.
NP: What is happiness for you?
DD: A very global question. This is probably when my family is happy.
NP: What are the three things you respect most in a person?
DD: Hard work, honesty and the ability not to give up.
NP: Three things you hate the most?
DD: There are no such things. If I accept a person, then I understand that he has, like me, shortcomings. If you don't like a person, don't be friends with him. There is no hate here.
NP: Do you often lie?
DD: Constantly.
NP: Can love bring suffering?
DD: Well, probably, yes. Although this is not my experience.
NP: You used to have a very unusual name, Agrippina. The fact that you changed him to Daria is just a tribute to your writing activity - did you take a pseudonym - or were there other reasons?
JD: Agrippina looked very bad on the cover of the book. It's a long heavy name. Probably, if I had remained Agrippina, then everyone would have thought that this was a pseudonym. On the other hand, at one time I collected all sorts of “misunderstandings” about my name: my name was Antarctica Arkadyevna, Grechka Arkadyevna, Argentina Arkadyevna. Therefore, when the issue of publishing books arose, and he arose when the publishing house already had twelve manuscripts, it became clear that some shorter and more convenient name had to be found. I always liked Daria, and the heroine of the first books Daria. This is where Daria on the cover came from.
NP: There is an opinion that when a person changes his name, his fate also changes. Is this the case in your case?
JD: There is also an opinion that black cats bring bad luck, and if you meet a priest on the street, then you need to grab the keys. I would not really rely on current opinions, because for one folk wisdom there are fifty folk nonsense. No, nothing has changed! As I had my beloved husband when I was Agrippina, so he remained with me when I became Daria. According to my husband's science, personality doesn't change: just as I couldn't kick a stray dog in a cheap boot, I can't kick him now in a Louboutin boot. Yes, the boot has changed, but the personality does not change. Opportunities for others have come from writers' fees, but not like this.
NP: Many people feel unhappy, they think that happiness will come by itself when a loved one appears, an apartment, a new job, and so on. How to learn to experience this feeling in existing circumstances? Do you agree that it can be learned?
JD: There is such a little secret: Thoughts can be controlled like arms and legs. Thoughts are material. When the thought comes to your mind that - “Here I am so unhappy, I am so terrible”, you need to say to yourself at this moment “stop”. But it's as difficult as not having a third cake in the evening in bed. When you need to do something right away, for example, go on a diet, a person becomes somehow uncomfortable. It all depends on willpower. It is necessary, on the one hand, to learn to say “stop” to yourself, and on the other hand, when this begins - “I am poor, unhappy, I feel bad, I did not succeed!”, you need to look where it is worse. Then you begin to understand that you are a very joyful happy person, and at the same time you have to keep in mind that all the faces in the glossy magazines that you look at are Hollywood artists, our stars - they also have problems. And probably the most unfortunate person in this world is the English queen, who, with all her position, money and intelligence, obviously works very hard and hard. Therefore, be glad that the fate of the state does not depend on you, and live happily.
NP: Some people like to complain all the time, having everything, while others are happy with little. Some overcome difficulties, others give up. What is it connected with? Is it only with willpower?
JD: It's a big psychological problem. A huge amount of scientific literature has been written on this topic, and very many psychotherapists, to whom a person has been going for years, cannot teach him to be happy.
NP: Why?
DD: Because being unhappy is very comfortable. It's like in childhood: a child picks a sore on his knee, it seems to hurt, but it's good. Let's suppose I am a happy woman, everything is fine with me, everything is fine with me, but I want to cry over something. I am an ambassador for Together Against Breast Cancer. So, many women, when they say they want to get well, don't really want it. Because she has an inattentive husband, children who no longer need a mother at all, not very good work colleagues and a small salary. And suddenly she gets sick. And everyone becomes ashamed: the husband begins to drag some kind of broken tulip, the mother-in-law cooks soup, the children buy some chocolates for the parent, colleagues at work also stop slandering, they begin to feel sorry for her. She is in the center of attention, and the thought suddenly appears in the head of this woman: “I want to leave this.” No, she tells everyone that she intends to get well. But in fact, there, inside himself, he really wants to remain an object of care. And dies. A huge problem in oncology associated with the peculiarities of the female psyche. Therefore, if you get sick, be honest with yourself, do not revel in the disease.
NP: Then I must say that being happy is difficult?
JD: Nothing comes easy. Without effort, you will not get a beautiful figure, a good husband, educated children, a kind mother-in-law and a loving mother.
NP: When you have difficulties, how do you deal with them?
JD: Difficulties in life happen every day. For thirty years, being the cook of an academician of psychology, I learned from him a brilliant phrase - “Let's define what difficulties are!”. So what is complexity? For one, this is getting up after a very serious illness, missing two legs, learning to walk on prostheses. And for another - it is difficult to deal with torn tights.
NP: It's hard for someone to start a family, it's hard for someone to find a job...
JD: It's not hard, it's life. Starting a family is elementary, you need to find a person who, as you think, can be your life partner. Where to find? Look around, it is likely that a poorly dressed man with a dirty head is sitting at work at the fifth battery, who, in fact, having fallen into good hands, will become a wonderful husband. First you need to decide what you want. I recently read a woman's divorce application here, it began beautifully: "My husband is impotent." Two paragraphs later it went: "He's a womanizer." There is no such thing as an impotent womanizer. If you want a house in Nice, your own yacht, a plane, then be prepared for the fact that you will never have a husband at home. Romantic dinners, strollers, trips to friends - it's all over. Most likely, you will travel with security to mandatory, high-status parties alone, and you will see your husband once a month, he will earn money. But if you want romance, if you want your spouse to be at home at six in the evening and fry potatoes with you, then marry a high school teacher, but then you will not have much money. But you don't have to want everything at once. It doesn't happen! By the way, the husband is brought up.
NP: Many people want a finished product, there are many marriages now, when the husband is a wealthy man 20-30 years older than his wife. What do you think about it?
JD: I know happy marriages, I know unhappy marriages. Everything depends on the woman. If she is stupid, then the marriage will not work, if she is smart, then the marriage will turn out wonderful and age does not play any role.
NP: Do you think that in marriage everything depends on the woman?
DD: A lot depends on the woman. You often hear: “My husband is an alcoholic!” So don't live with it! "I have no choice!" There is always a way out, but not the fact that you will like it. When I start asking, "Why are you living with this alcoholic?" - they answer me: “We have an apartment!” And you spit, take a bag, leave this apartment to him, leave for another city, rent a room there. “Aaaaah ... leave the apartment, what are you!” Is it the apartment or the husband? If you dig into this situation, then very often the husband fades into the background. Every wife is worthy of her husband, every husband is worthy of his wife.
NP: Can you say that not every woman who says she wants to get married and have a family really wants it? Maybe she really wants something else? An apartment, for example.
JD: Marriage of women in our society is pushed by different situations. Firstly, public opinion, which over the years, with all the restructuring and skirmishes, has changed little. I visit France quite often, you see, it is not customary to give birth before the age of 35. First a career, some kind of self-affirmation, only then marriage, family and children. In our country, if a woman does not give birth before the age of 24, then this is just some kind of misfortune. Medicine is now quite well developed, until the age of 45 there are no problems with the birth of a child. If you do not have a husband, this does not mean that you are worse than others and you are somehow inferior. Finding a husband is very easy, the question is whether you need him, or whether your mother wants a wedding.
NP: Some people say that it is not necessary to accumulate irritation and negative feelings in oneself, it is necessary to give them an outlet, but someone cannot do this. How are you doing?
DD: You know, I am categorically against rudeness. If you have a good upbringing, then you will listen to your boss, even if he is wrong, you will not scream in his face and stomp your feet. You can say exactly what you think. If a person is rude to you, move away, then you can find a way to put him in his place. And feelings are when you approach your husband, stroke his head and drag him a cup of broth at three in the morning, because he came angry from work and you are trying to calm him down. And yelling at your husband in three-story Russian for drinking a bottle of beer is rudeness and bad education. The way you react is a moment of self-education. You have to think about what will happen next, what will happen after you do it.
NP: Daria, you can be called a very wealthy woman, you move in the right circle. What can you say about people who became rich, as you put it, during the period of “perestroika/shootout”?
JD: Maybe now rich people have become somehow more visible because of magazines, the Internet. But rich people also existed in the USSR. I come from a family of a writer and an actress, so I can name the writing fees of those years. The average fee for my father's book was 15,000 rubles, despite the fact that the average salary was 80 rubles in the country. The percentage of fools all over the world is the same. You see, there are as many fools in Russia as in France. And the word "nouveau riche" - it means "new rich" in translation - came to us from France. There are nouveaux riches in France, and in America, and in our country. Poorly educated, unexpectedly rich people are not an exclusively Russian moment. But there is another aspect that journalists do not like to write about. I know a huge number of rich people who do not stick out their wealth in any way, are patrons, help low-income people. And yet, to be rich, you need a lot, hard and hard work. It is not true that prosperity falls from the sky and that only moral freaks get it. If your neighbor bought a luxury jeep and you walk to work, this only shows one thing: he managed to succeed, and you didn’t. Do not envy, do not be spiteful, do not repeat the phrase: “Only crooks live well in our country”, it is better to spend your energy on achieving your own well-being.
NP: Do you often have to sacrifice something for the sake of family, work?
JD: I can't say that there were any special victims. I just get up at 6 in the morning and somewhere before 15-16 I have time to write what I had to write. You understand, the time when I had to put on the overalls for the child and take him to kindergarten has passed irrevocably. And the husband, over the long years of marriage, discovered the way to the refrigerator himself. We have a board hanging on it, on which it is written with a marker what is there: soup, the second.
NP: Daria, how many years have you been married to your husband?
JD: From '83, that's 28 years.
NP: And what is the secret of such a strong union?
JD: Before that, two husbands ran away from me. I trained on the first two husbands, so I have been living with the third for 28 years.
NP: Does being a psychologist help you in any way?
JD: You know, my husband is not a psychologist at home. Often my girlfriends, friends run to him with their problems, and then he starts working in his specialty, but not with me. In our couple, I am a psychologist.
NP: How do you feel about psychologists in general?
DD: It's different. Psychology is just a profession, and not everyone in this profession is smart, perfect and knowledgeable, not everyone wants to develop. I know very smart, encyclopedically erudite psychologists who sincerely love this science and are sincerely inclined to ensure that this science develops forward. Students always accompany my husband with applause at lectures. But how he prepares for them, it must be seen. He does not have two identical lectures. Psychologists are very different! A good girlfriend sometimes works even better, because the therapist has no right to say to his patient: “Dump your alcoholic husband!” He must structure the conversation in such a way that the patient himself makes a decision, and then it will be right for him. This is on the one hand. On the other hand, a good psychotherapist still needs to be found. I am very against the situation when a person enters a three-month course, quickly picks up some tests, and now he is a specialist. Such an unfortunate professional can do much harm to you. We must also not forget that psychotherapy is one of the most expensive pleasures and one can go to a psychotherapist for years. In my opinion, you always need to keep one simple thing in your head, that there is no such pill that you swallow - and you will be young, cheerful, beautiful, active, smart. There is no such pill, you have to work to become like that, no one will do it for you. I can come to my friend's house and clean her floors, but can I have lunch for her?
NP: Do you think that the popular saying that “the leftist strengthens marriage” is folk wisdom or, as you put it, “folk stupidity”?
JD: Well, it really strengthens, because the man is polygamous. And love, again according to my husband's science, lives for three or four years, then some hormonal shifts occur and this love develops into some other sensations. Either you become good friends and understand that you are one team, or it all ends, the husband and wife begin to annoy each other, and then, of course, you have to scatter in different directions. If the husband looked at some woman, he liked her and something happened to them once, then there is nothing wrong with that. As a rule, a woman will never even know about this in her life if she has a smart husband. One of my girlfriends has a husband, a very wealthy man who, every time he goes to the left, comes home - and every time he has a fur coat hanging over his shoulder. He feels the deepest sense of guilt before his wife, stands on the threshold with a leopard coat and says: “Darling, I accidentally bought you!” Darling smirks, hangs the 152nd fur coat in the closet, strokes his head and says: “Oh, what a beauty! How you spoil me." She loves her husband very much and understands that he needs this zigzag to the left solely for self-affirmation. A normal man, if nothing went wrong in his head, having run into someone else's bed, the next morning he understands that his wife is better.
NP: Have there been missed opportunities in your life?
JD: I believe that you should never regret anything. What you have done is almost impossible to change, and there is no point in regretting it. But I also know that everything bad that happens to you turns out to be good.
NP: Do you agree with the statement that fools learn from their own mistakes and smart people learn from others'?
JD: Stepping on a rubber-handled rake is a sport for so many people. You can never learn from someone else's mistakes! And then what is considered a mistake? There are two ways out of any situation, but keep in mind that you may not like them! There are no hopeless situations!
NP: It happens that even when people have found two exits, fear prevents them from taking a step. How to be in such cases?
JD: If a person cannot perform some act, he remains to sit in his swamp and watch those who perform these acts. Everyone gets what he deserves, it's not the other way around.
NP: What can surprise you?
DD: A bunch of things. Recently, a lot of electronic toys were downloaded to my iPad, now with great happiness in traffic jams I am engaged in beating pigs with birds, looking for various hidden things, and compiling menus for restaurants. In general, I feel just fine.
NP: Many parents consider it a harmful pastime. What is the use of them?
DD: I'm resting! It is very cool brainwashing, especially when you are sitting in a hairdresser or standing in a traffic jam. When a child only plays and does nothing else, this is probably bad on the one hand, but on the other hand, professional computer scientists are then made of such people. I was struck by the story of a boy from a remote province for whom his mother bought a laptop. This loser eventually made some kind of program and sent it either to Apple or somewhere else. They grabbed his head, a brilliant child, took him to America with his mother, and now the former loser is a student at a prestigious university and a favorite employee of the company. It seems to me that a person should do what he likes. Each of us has something that he can do best. Remember Dante? Who is in the last circle of hell? The Creator who did not create!
NP: What do you believe?
JD: I believe in the law of the boomerang: if you do something nasty to someone, it will definitely come back to you. White attracts white, black attracts black. If a person says all the time: “There are only scoundrels, scoundrels, scoundrels around!” - then I know that he is the same.
NP: Would you like to change something in yourself?
DD: No, what can I change in me? Clever beauty. I do not want to change anything in myself, everything is fine in me. I am terribly satisfied with myself in all respects.
NP: What advice would you give to people who want to change something in themselves?
JD: Understand why you want to change it. If you think that a woman's personal fate will change from a larger bust, it's not true, because you can have the most beautiful breasts in the world and be very unhappy. But if this is not enough for you to be happy, collect money and lice implants for yourself. Make sure that, in general, this was not necessary, and live on completely calmly. It seems to me that you just need to understand that you are unique, there is no other like it. The genetic set that you got, no one else got. You are the only one in the whole world, be proud of it!
BIOGRAPHY
1952 - was born on June 7 in Moscow, in the family of the famous Soviet writer Arkady Vasilyev and the chief director of the Mosconcert, Tamara Novatskaya.
1974 - graduated from the Faculty of Journalism of Moscow State University. M. V. Lomonosov.
1974-1977 - worked as a translator at the Consulate General of the USSR in Aleppo (Syria).
1978 - began cooperation with the newspaper "Vechernyaya Moskva".
1983 - married a teacher at the Faculty of Psychology of Moscow State University. M. V. Lomonosov Alexander Ivanovich Dontsov.
1986 - daughter Maria was born.
1998 - a severe diagnosis was made - breast cancer in stage IV. She wrote her first book in an oncological intensive care unit to take her mind off her illness.
1999 - the first book was published - "Cool heirs". Agrippina Dontsova takes the literary pseudonym Daria Dontsova.
2001 - for the first time becomes the winner of the "Writer of the Year" award. He starts his own radio program.
2003 - On March 5, a star in honor of Daria Dontsova was laid on the literary Square of Stars in Moscow.
2004-2007 - receives a large number of various literary awards and prizes, such as Bestseller of the Year, Author of the Year, Book of the Year, Name of the Year, Book Oscar. The works of Daria Dontsova are translated and published in the countries of the former USSR, the Baltic states, Western Europe, and China.
2008 - becomes the ambassador of the Avon charity program "Together Against Breast Cancer" in Russia.
2009 - The 100th book "The Legend of the Three Monkeys" is published. Listed in the Russian Book of Records as the most prolific author of detective novels (100 detective stories in 10 years).
2010 - starred naked in the social project "Protect what is dear to you", aimed at supporting the world's first cervical cancer vaccine.
2011 - for the tenth time recognized as the most published writer in Russia. The total circulation of Daria Dontsova's works exceeds 130 million copies.
The novels of Daria Dontsova (Agrippina Arkadyevna Dontsova) are divided into five cycles, the main characters of which resemble the author.
Dasha Vasilyeva - a wealthy woman, lives in the holiday village of Lozhkino with her family and animals, is friends with police colonel Alexander Degtyarev. Has two children - son Arkady and daughter Masha. In the past, Dasha was married several times, worked as a French teacher at a Moscow university, received a modest salary, lived with her family in a small apartment in Medvedkovo, on the outskirts of Moscow. This character is closest to the author. Daria's main hobby is pets. In the house of her heroine there are many cats and dogs, one of them is the pug Khuchik.
The heroine of another series, Evlampia Romanova
, in the past - Efrosinya Romanova, a late child and long-awaited daughter of a Soviet general scientist and opera singer, graduated from the conservatory in the harp class, was married once, changed her name after a divorce and learned to cook deliciously. Lampa opened her own detective agency, where she works as a private detective, and is friends with police major Vladimir Kostin. Received according to the plot: the cat Semiramide and the cat Klaus, the pugs Ada, Mulya, Plush, Fenya, Kapa and two other dogs - the Staffordshire terrier Rachel and the mongrel mongrel Ramik, the hamsters Kesha, Petya, Leonardo and the toad Gertrude.
Ivan Podushkin
- the son of a Soviet writer, works as a secretary for the private detective Eleonora. Polite person with high moral principles. The owner of a slim figure and high growth. Smart, intelligent, educated. A little indecisive. A very nice mature man. Trustworthy and can be deceived. Supports an elderly mother of 60-65 years old, who considers herself a young and beautiful woman of 35 years old. Nicoletta is a little unbalanced, screaming for her is the need of the body. Podushkin is an avid bachelor. He has no luck with women. Some consider poor Ivan Pavlovich to be gay, but this is not so.
Tatyana Sergeeva has nothing to do with the writer. The dark-haired owner of a full figure, intelligent and well-read, graduated from the philological faculty of a pedagogical university, a widow (in the recent past), worked as a teacher of Russian language and literature. Married to former actor Aristarkh Babulkin (nicknamed Gri), who is an employee of a secret group in which Tanya also works.
Viola Tarakanova inherited from the writer knowledge of the German language. The heroine was married to Major Oleg Kuprin, an investigator from Petrovka, 38, but divorced, worked as a German language tutor, writes detectives under the pseudonym Arina Violova. Vilka is not indifferent to animals, the cat Cleopatra, the cat Sonny and the dog Dyushka live in her apartment.
EXPERT OPINION Yulia Vasilkina, psychologist, sociologist
IT'S COMFORTABLE TO BE UNHAPPY
Everyone knows this feeling, but not everyone is ready to admit it. We are all subject to this "comfort" to a greater or lesser extent. There is no harm in sometimes being a little tired, ill, experiencing resentment next to a loved one. Especially the one who, taking care of you, will bring a cup of broth and say “they are all fools, and you are the best with me.” Having received the necessary acceptance, we will perk up and be ready for new achievements. True, it is important that a loved one gives us attention and care not only when we feel bad.
The danger to the psychological integrity of the individual occurs when "being miserable" carries a powerful secondary benefit. A secondary benefit is some value (love, acceptance, attention, respect, maintaining relationships, sometimes material wealth) that is achieved through negative symptoms. Maybe the child could be healthier, but then his parents will divorce. Maybe it would be necessary to bring the cheating husband to clean water and stop suffering from jealousy, but then you will have to part with the illusion of love and not loneliness. When you pull out a secondary benefit like an ace out of your sleeve during a consultation, the client is immensely surprised. Now the decision is his: leave everything as it is, or find a way to achieve the same value, but in a different way, abandoning neurotic experiences and illnesses. And this requires diligence, honesty and the ability not to give up, which Daria Dontsova appreciates so much in people.
EXPERT OPINION Alexander Dontsov,
Doctor of Psychology, Professor of the Faculty of Psychology, Lomonosov Moscow State University, Academician of the Russian Academy of Education
LADY OF FORTUNE
People often ask: "Is it easy to live with a star?" I answer: "Yes!" Firstly, I love her, respect and fear her, and therefore I will not contradict her in household chores. Secondly, late in the evening, when we are alone, there is no strength and desire to sort things out. Thirdly, in marriage, as you know, the first 25 years are hard, but we have crossed this line. Fourthly, in our pair, she really is a psychologist. Fifthly, my wife is my most faithful friend. These are only the first "five reasons" for our family well-being. And I, henpecked, of course, will not violate it with a harsh academic analysis of the life philosophy that my wife shared with the magazine. I testify that this "philosophy" has fully justified itself in our destiny. In a nutshell, there are three main principles. Source - optimism, love of life, unshakable faith in goodness.
Then - iron self-discipline. For 13 years - 130 novels with a total circulation of 130 million (!) copies, and each one is a “depression pill”, which saved someone from despondency. The third principle is openness to people, the desire and ability to share someone's grief and joy. We are all very compassionate, few people succeed in rejoicing in the successes of others. The wife possesses this gift in full.
Daria Dontsova is a vivid example of the fact that the wheel of fortune is subject to a Woman. Maybe we, men, will someday learn how to manage it.
After the publication of the article "Alexander Gomelsky: I know how to beat cancer!" , in which the famous basketball coach told how he overcame his terrible disease, the editorial office was called non-stop for two weeks. And those who are already doomed, and those who, despite the diagnoses of doctors, found the strength to defeat this "incurable infection"
Daria Dontsova talks about her terrible illness without fear or embarrassment. Her battle with breast cancer ended in victory. All this was back in the late 90s. Chemotherapy, radiation, surgery. When she read the material about Alexander Gomelsky “I know how to beat cancer”, the writer herself called the editorial office.
This is a sore subject for me. And I am very grateful to Alexander Yakovlevich for finding the strength to tell about his illness. This is very important for those who are sick. There are a lot of us cancer patients. We are all soldiers of the same army and must help each other. If not physically, then at least mentally. People need to understand that cancer is not a death sentence. A cancer patient is not a leper. Man must live and fight. I know several ballerinas, several dramatic actresses who also received this diagnosis. But people are afraid to talk about their sore. You have to understand that cancer is nothing to be ashamed of. This is a challenge, and if you fought and won, then you are a hero. And if he managed to somehow help others - the hero is doubly.
But both you and Gomelsky are famous people. It turns out that only wealthy people can fight the disease?
It is not true that you can only be treated abroad. There is such a possibility - it's great. No, you don't have to give up, cover yourself with a blanket and die. When I was diagnosed, I was not yet a well-known writer. My husband is a state psychologist, I am a translator from German. There was no special money in our family. I was operated on in a regular regional hospital. An ordinary surgeon, not a professor, not a candidate. A person who stands at the operating table from morning to evening. And for some reason, people leave him on their own feet. And I do not get tired of praying that the Lord would give health to Igor Anatolyevich Groshev, who, performing three operations a day, saves the population of a small town from death in a year. And they gave me "chemistry" for free, and radiation. It is not true that everything depends on money.
What should a person diagnosed with cancer do?
Grab the phone book and look for a doctor. Call all your friends. And the doctor will definitely be there. Not lucky once - look for another. Doctors are different. In one place, they started talking to me about money from the doorway, and I realized that they were not going to cut me, but my wallet. And in the dispensary, after the operation, I was completely buried. I was not observed for a year, I did not prescribe free medicines for myself, we could buy them ourselves, and not stand in line for six hours. And then the medicine disappeared in pharmacies. I'm back. An aunt in felt slippers sits there and says: shame on you, Dontsova has died, and you want to get medicine for her! Showed my passport. It turns out that if a person does not appear for a year, then a stamp is put on his card - “Died”. I ask: what if the person has recovered? And she, an oncologist, says in the eye: “This does not happen!” Imagine what will happen after such words with an impressionable patient?! So, do not believe the aunts in felt slippers. Trust me. Believe Gomel - it happens!
Without faith in recovery, nothing will work?
If you, having heard the diagnosis of oncology, start crying, asking: “for what”, “why me”, harassing your husband, children, mother, falling into bed and saying: I am mortally ill - you will die. A young woman came into the room where I was lying. 36 years. She sadly sat on the bed and said: "I raised my son, he is 16 years old, now I can die." And she died. Although her disease was curable, a tiny little nodule. The disease is in the head.
We must work and live. Compress the day so that death cannot penetrate there. Medicine has gone far, you can be saved. But you yourself must want it and not give up. Do not lie at home, bringing everything to a critical state, and then go to healers and sorcerers. Under no circumstances should this be done. Let after operations you will live 5 - 7 years. But these will be years wrested from death. It depends only on you how you will remain in the memory of your relatives and friends - a disgusting, aching creature or a mother who did not break down in this difficult life situation.
It is probably even harder for women, because cancer is pretty reflected in appearance.
This is true. A terrible picture stands in front of a man - a bald fat woman without nails and teeth. A person who will be abandoned by everyone - husband, colleagues, children
The points. Prosthetics have now gone so far that even on the beach in a swimsuit, no one will even guess that you are missing some parts. Does the operation hurt? No. Chemotherapy - terrible? Yes, but you can bear it. Your hair will grow back, your dentist will make your teeth, your nails will be glued in the salon. And then, no one will cut off your soul! Many women are afraid that their husband will leave them. And I saw such husbands who said to their spouses: “Why do I need you now?” So, this one will go anyway. But most husbands stay.
How long did it take you personally to be so optimistic about your diagnosis?
20 minutes. I left the clinic, asked myself all the questions: “For what?”, “Why with me?”, “I am so young, and should I die?”. Roared in a trolley bus. Then I wiped my snot and said to myself: I have three children, a husband, two grandmothers, three dogs, a cat. I will die and everything will fall apart. Of course, I am too small fry for humanity to notice the disappearance of Dasha Dontsova. But for 20 people close to me, it will be a loss. The main thing is to give yourself an attitude. Do you know which scientists live the longest? Genetics! Just because their experiments are designed for many years ahead, only then they get some kind of result. They give themselves an installation - they wait and live.
Do you have any advice for the relatives of the sick?
The main thing is not to put the person to bed. The patient subconsciously waits for confirmation from you that everything is in order with him. Kick up! We came home from work, and you didn't fry the potatoes! Hand not working? So adapt somehow, we want to eat! It helps.
It turns out that only relatives can help a person, he himself and luck with a doctor. Is there simply no solution at the state level?
What if our world was created for the young, healthy and strong? It is believed that if you get sick, then you are a second-class person. Look, there are almost no disabled people on our streets. The city is not adapted for them. They are at home. Can the state do something? I don't know. But famous people should talk about this problem. How Gomelsky did it. Let them come to Komsomolskaya Pravda and just talk about how they are fighting this disease. I'm sure this will help many.
Alexander GOMELSKY:
I wanted to tell people - fight!
After the publication in Komsomolskaya Pravda, they called me endlessly. And the military, and doctors, and TsESkovtsy called. Supported. I had a tomography in a good clinic. The Americans were really able to kill this infection in my body.
But the most important thing I wanted to tell people is don't give up. Fight. Everyone has a chance! Yes, I spoke sharply about our doctors* But not about all of them, of course, but only about those with whom I happened to meet last year and who almost buried me. And we have excellent specialists. And the technology is good. Everything is there, just in the head of our people there is a stereotype that cancer is a sentence, death. With such a diagnosis on a person, you can simply wave your hand. But doctors, like teachers, like policemen, are our ordinary people, just like everyone else. And they were brought up in the same way as everyone else, and live by the same laws as everyone else. We have to fight this kind of thinking. Cancer can be treated. But here the intervention of public opinion is needed.
We have many skilled doctors, both in the Botkin hospital, and in the center on Kashirka, and in many places. But there are those who have completely forgotten about the Hippocratic Oath. The fact that the doctor is a holy profession. And if you already took up her - treat, save. If you can't, leave.
You spoke about the possible creation of a fund in your name.
Now I am dealing with this issue. And it's not about the money. We need an information center so that a person calls and receives all the necessary information. What to do, how to treat this disease. To have a psychologist working there all the time. Now we need to create a public committee, connect television, the press. This is important and it can help. And all the same, the final word - for the state. In America, where I was treated, the citizens of the country stay in a hospital in Houston almost free of charge. As we used to have. And it should be. Medicine for the elderly and children must be free of charge.
WHAT READERS SAY
Valentina Fedorovna Ignatova,
Novosibirsk:
- Three years ago I was diagnosed with stage four cancer. They said I had six months to live. I was treated in a Novosibirsk hospital, there are excellent doctors. Of course, I had to pay, but only for drugs. I am 65 years old, but I continue to work, I gain weight. The main thing, I realized, is to believe! Like Gomel, and everything will be all right. We need more such articles, but if you listen to doctors, you need to lie down in a coffin and collect money for wreaths.
Spartak Nikitich Sazonov,
Yekaterinburg, 70 years old:
I have been dealing with cancer for a long time. Even Hippocrates two and a half thousand years ago said that before healing the body, it is necessary to cure the soul. British scientists have proven that cancer is a state of mind. So the main thing is to tune in, behave correctly. I have read many books, including "Diagnostics of Karma". And I believe that only faith in God and in yourself will save you from this disease. Here my wife died. And I know why. There are no secrets. The Ministry of Health simply does not want to listen.
Irina, Moscow:
My child got cancer when he was 13 years old. And if there is a hell on earth, then this is medicine in Russia. We went all this way, we were treated, and it was insanely expensive. Fortunately, the son is alive. Now he is 20 years old. But every year I have to go through a lot of humiliating procedures to prove that he is disabled. Bribes are demanded everywhere. And in the military registration and enlistment office they say: why are you messing with him, he will die soon anyway. They are mothers! What can they say or do to a child?
Iraida Yakovlevna, Moscow, 73 years old:
Now in every newspaper you can find an ad: we know how to treat cancer. And a phone. Either a medicine is offered for 70-80 thousand, or a private clinic. And no one knows whether they are deceiving us or not. And the Ministry of Health is silent! And the deception is felt! The state does not need patients, we need to get rid of us.
Tatyana Mikhailovna Rosenthal,
Nizhny Novgorod:
Dr. Gordetsov works in our city. He has a method of spectral analysis of blood. In one and a half to two years, you can find out whether a person will get sick or not. Diagnosis at an early stage! progressive method. Only, it seems, no one, except for the doctor himself and the patients, needs this. How did you deal with your illness?
Russian writer Daria Dontsova has repeatedly told in her microblog that the power of Vera helps her live. Previously, it was faith in God that helped Daria overcome a terrible disease - a cancerous tumor, reports Joinfo.ua.
Temple visit
This time, the popular writer of women's detective stories in her microblog told fans about an amazing observation in the Church of the Savior Not Made by Hands in the village of Ubory.
As you know, Dontsova often comes to the Temple and bows before the relics of the Saints. She constantly visits this holy place and even stands at the Liturgy. However, this time she saw something that made her think.
It turns out that while bowing earlier, she did not read what was written on the ark. And now the inscription caught her eye.
Inscription on holy relics
All this time, the detective writer visited the relics of Ilya Muromets and Nestor the Chronicler. These people became Saints for their good deeds. Many children even know their names from stories and fairy tales, and Daria was able to bow to their relics.
As JoInfoMedia journalist Ulyana Ulitkina managed to find out, prayer and faith helped Daria recover from cancer. The writer remained alive after 18 complex operations and chemotherapy. Having overcome the disease, Daria became morally stronger. By her example, she showed that any illness can be cured, the main thing is to believe and want to live.
Earlier we reported that the famous Russian satirist Mikhail Zadornov denied rumors about the deterioration of health.
© Blagovest Publishing House, 2012
Foreword
Although our spiritual literature is rich in guides for those who seek the salvation of the soul, but since such books as the writings of St. Ephraim the Syrian, St. Abba Barsanuphius, St. Isaac the Syrian and the like are quite expensive, and therefore not accessible to everyone, the compilation of this book was undertaken. , in which, as in a treasury, a lot of good things are collected, and brevity and clarity of presentation were meant.
Many of the female monastics, living by their own labors, do not have enough time to read lengthy writings; for such, this book is particularly useful.
There are many paths leading to God, but we believe that we will not be mistaken if we put remembrance of death the most precious of all spiritual feats, for it, and only it, tears a person away from the vanities of this world, makes him dead to the world, destroys all sinful passions in him, replaces all feats, embraces a person’s whole life, purifies his heart, attracts grace to him The Holy Spirit and thus grants him a free ascent to heaven, without obstruction from the air authorities of the world ruler of the darkness of this age.
The great ascetic, Saint Isaac of Syria, talks about the remembrance of death as follows: “Satan hates this craft and attacks with all his might to destroy it in a person, for he knows, the treacherous one, that if this thought abides in a person, then his mind is no longer standing. in this land of deceit, and his wiles do not approach man.
Since the remembrance of death in its action is nothing else than the uninterrupted striving of the attention of the mind - and with it all the forces of the soul - to the future eternal life, the goal of all the efforts of the tempter is to divert the attention of the ascetic of Christ and direct it to the cares of life. or scatter over the vain things of the present world. “And therefore,” says St. Isaac, “if it were possible, Satan would give man the kingdom of the whole world, if only by entertainment to erase such a thought from his mind. And if he could, - confirms the holy father, - he would do it willingly.
So, here is the surest and shortest path to all who seek the salvation of the soul. The ways of acquiring such an incomparable good are set forth in this work with due sequence.
Also placed here is a wonderful extract from the miterik of the monk Isaiah, compiled by him exclusively for female monastics and hitherto not published in Russian.
We call on the blessing of the Almighty on our little work and ask that the mind and heart of those who honor and strive for the fulfillment of His holy will according to the saying be opened by His grace: Thy ways, O Lord, tell me, and teach me Thy paths.
I. Arseny.
Saint Athos, Russik, 1875
About Faith in God
Whoever has faith and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not have faith will be condemned.
Mk.
The proofs of faith in the existence of God are obvious: the first place among them is occupied by the internal law inscribed by God on the tablets of the human heart, which convinces of the existence of the Divine. Among the rude peoples, this was expressed in the worship of inanimate objects: the sun, moon, fire, and others, and among some we even find a temple they created to the unknown God, from which we are fully convinced that at the very creation of man, worship of God was planted in him, as something natural. And if at the present time atheists have appeared who deny the existence of God, then these are people who have not only corrupted their concepts, but even distorted the natural law.
The internal law, given to us by God, shows us good and evil, and for the good done rewards with spiritual joyful feeling, and punishes evil with torment of conscience, which serves as an obvious proof of the infinite wisdom of our Creator, Who, although he gave us free will, but at the same time instilled within us, as it were, a kind of leader who, through inner suggestions and sensations, induces us to fulfill the will of God. Then the Holy Scripture is given to us, which with all clarity leads us to the knowledge of the existence of God and His Divine and wise goals of the creation of the universe, for everything visible and invisible to us in this world silently speaks to us about the Creator and Builder, about His goodness, omnipotence and wisdom.
In this world, every plant, animal, man, as we see, comes from one another: plants from seeds, animals from their own kind, and so does man. Who started all this? Where did the first plants, the first man, come from? That nothing could come into the world by itself, we are convinced of this from the fact that during the entire existence of the world, nothing was created and did not appear by itself, except for what the almighty God created in the beginning; and if there are madmen who assert that everything originated from some kind of matter or was created by itself, then this, obviously, is only resistance to the truth or an arrogant desire to express something new. Such a direction, unfortunately, has recently developed mainly among young people due to the fact that, having not received a real religious education, led by the spirit of pride, they think that they have become smarter than everyone else and that they were mistaken before them. Obviously, such absurd ideas can take place in the minds of only those thinkers who are under the special influence of the primordial enemy of our eternal salvation.
Faith will save a person only when his deeds are consistent with it, faith without works is dead(Ik. 2: 26); and our good deeds are only pleasing to God when they are done with faith in Jesus Christ (Gal. 2:16). Faith is a heavenly ray that enlightens the darkness of our lives, guiding us to our heavenly homeland. Faith is the voice with which the blind man shouted: Son of David, have mercy on me! Although we do not see Jesus Christ, but by the power of faith we know that He is the non-evening Light, dispelling the darkness of delusions, that He is the Guardian, protecting us from misfortunes, that He is the heavenly Physician, healing our sinful ulcers. But faith is a gift of God, which is affirmed and takes root in us from the fulfillment of the commandments of God, from the constant striving for good. For learning and affirmation in faith and piety, one must resort to our mother, St. The Church, in which, as in a rich repository, the apostles put everything that is true, saving, so that those who are thirsty would flow to this life-giving source and draw abundantly from it the water of life.
In the matter of our salvation, faith is the same as the foundation in a building: if the foundation is dug under, the building inevitably collapses. Where there is no faith, there is unbridled passions, dragging a person into the abyss of evil; for unbelief comprehends the wrath of God; we see this in the destruction of the ancient world in the flood and in the swallowing up of several cities by the earth. Those who disbelieve are worse than a dumb animal, because it knows its master: knowing the will of the one who acquired and the donkey, and manger his master(Isaiah 1:3). Unbelief destroys human well-being, not only private, family, but also public. Faith, like every virtue, is subject to temptations; not tempted is inexperienced, as holy Scripture says; The enemy of our salvation, by God’s permission, is trying to shake our faith, but we must repel his attacks with fervent prayer to God—this is how the Lord taught the holy apostles when their faith was impoverished.
The holy fathers call souls alien to faith in their Creator God dead; this is what St. Callistus says: “Many dead people have souls, in a living body, like in a tomb, they are buried.” “Listen,” exclaims St. Demetrius of Rostov, “as the body of a sinful person is a living coffin of the dead soul.”
Fervent prayer, frequent and heartfelt confession and communion of the holy Mysteries of Christ, love for neighbors, humility, avoiding acquaintances and conversations with depraved people, and especially with unbelievers, are the most reliable means to preserve and affirm the faith.
“Pray to God,” teaches St. Tikhon, “so that He will give you the true living faith, take care of faith more than your own life, for we must lay down our life for faith.”
We must not only have the right to believe, but also know what kind of faith is most pleasing to God. In this, as in everything, let us seek guidance in the word of God. The Apostle Thomas believed in the resurrection only when he felt the wounds of the Savior; but the Lord said to him: "You have seen and believed, but those are more worthy of praise who, having not seen, believe." If we believe what we see, then this is no longer faith. True faith is confidence in the invisible, as it were in the visible, and in the expected, as it were in the present; so, we do not see God, but we believe that He exists; we do not see future bliss prepared for the righteous, and eternal torment awaiting sinners, but we believe that they exist - such faith is true, pleasing to God.
Perfect faith consists in complete devotion to the will of God, as mentioned in the holy Gospel: Even if this mountain says: move and plunge into the sea, and do not think in your heart, but have faith, as if it says, it happens, it will be for him, if he says(Mark 11:23). Such faith is a great gift of God, bestowed primarily on simple and gentle hearts, He hid the ecu cue from the wise and revealed the ecu ta to babies. Hey, Father, how it was favor before You(Matthew 11:21-25). The martyrs had such faith when they went into the fire, and it did not scorch them; they were thrown into the sea, and it spewed them unharmed; they were brought out to be devoured by bloodthirsty beasts, and they licked their feet with meekness. Such is the power of faith that overcomes natural laws!
So once a paralytic was brought to the Lord with faith to receive healing and received it (Matt. 9: 2). The wife, who had been bleeding for twelve years, was instantly healed by just touching the garment of the Lord with faith (Matt. 9:22). The blind man called out in faith: Son of David, have mercy on me!- and his eyes were opened (Mark 10:52). He fell with faith and prayer at the feet of the Life-giver Uar, and his dead daughter rose from her deathbed (Mark 5:42). And in our time, although meager in faith, there have been many cases that those possessed by long-term and unhealed illnesses, having exhausted all their possessions for medicine and not receiving any relief, when they ran with faith to the Source of life, the Lord, they received perfect healing: the blind despised , the crouched were corrected, the lame began to walk, the dumb to speak, and other countless ailments, with only faith invoking His all-holy name, were instantly healed by His omnipotence, which was witnessed, no doubt, by many of those reading these lines, and on some the grace-filled healing effect itself was performed. . Let us recall recent cases that took place in the God-saved city of Moscow: in 1867, when the Athos shrine was brought there, how many years of sickness from one touch to the shrine were instantly healed! Let us also pay attention to the miraculous phenomenon that happens with the water of the Epiphany, which has been preserved by others for decades and is always fresh, as if just drawn! Is not the action of the almighty Providence of God visible in all this, paternally caring for the affirmation of faith in us, which is the foundation of all our salvation?
O depth of wealth, and wisdom, and the mind of God, as if you did not test His judgment, and do not search His way(Rom. 11:33), the holy Apostle Paul cries out, teaching us not to be arrogant about Divine subjects that are inaccessible to the concepts of our limited mind, but rather to be guided by humility, for the works of God are incomprehensible. Let us believe with simplicity of heart, as the holy apostles believed, and we shall be saved.
Faith produces in the heart of the believer joy and gladness in the Lord the Savior, in His goodness and love for mankind; it softens suffering and sorrows with the hope of heavenly retribution for them, makes a person cold to everything earthly, transient, encourages him to seek the eternal, incorruptible, heavenly; she mysteriously unites the soul of the believer with Christ, like a bride with a groom: I will betroth you to myself in faith,- says the prophet on behalf of God, - and hang the Lord(Hos. 2:20); and the holy apostle Paul: Betrothed you to a single husband, a pure virgin, present Christ's(2 Corinthians 11:2).
Great is the power of faith: it has taken some alive into heaven, and rescued others from the waters of the flood; she made the barren bearers and saved from the edge of the sword; she brought the poor and lowly out of the pit and made them rich and great; she brought down fire from the sky, parted the sea, split the stone and poured out water from it; fed the hungry, called the dead to life, tamed the waves; she healed the sick, struck down the troops, pulled down walls, blocked the mouths of lions, quenched the fiery flame, humbled the proud and exalted the humble; In a word, everything is possible for those who believe, as the holy Apostle Paul attests, saying of himself: I can do everything about Jesus who strengthens me(Philippians 4:13)
The spread of the Christian faith at its very beginning met with fierce resistance from the spirit of malice, which continues to this day; its offspring: atheists, apostates, heresy leaders, schismatics and others, no matter how hard they try to eclipse the truth, but the Orthodox Christian faith shines in all its purity and will remain so until the end of the world, according to the word of the Lord: On this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it(Matthew 16:18). The devil strives for nothing so much as to plunge us into the abyss of unbelief; but let us firmly resist him, according to the apostolic word: Take up the shield of faith over everything, in it you will be able to quench all the arrows of the evil kindling(Eph. 6:16).
Since faith in God is the basis of our salvation, our conversation began with it. Next, we will talk about other virtues necessary for the salvation of the soul.
To build a house, different building materials are needed: brick, wood, iron, and so on; so many virtues are needed to build an eternal heavenly dwelling.
Getting to the beginning of any good deed, and especially to reading spiritual writings, it is necessary to pray to God, inwardly ask Him from the depths of the heart to bless our undertaking and make it fruitful, otherwise our work will be according to the word of the Lord: without me you can do nothing(John 15:5)
About prayer
Pray without ceasing, give thanks for everything, and everything, if you ask in prayer believingly, accept.
1 Sol. 5:18; Matt. 21:22
Just as in the natural state the infant does not suddenly become an adult, but reaches full maturity little by little, so in the spiritual state, a person can not suddenly become spiritual, God-pleasing from the carnal and sinful, but rises to this height gradually, striving in the virtues, at the head which prayer is worth, for by prayer we all ask God, according to what He said: ask and it will be given to you(Luke 11:9); and if we do not ask, then we will not receive anything, we will not do a single virtue, unless we turn to the Lord with prayer, asking for His help. But before we start praying, we must know what prayer is? How and for what should one pray?
What is prayer
Prayer is the reverent striving of the human soul for God, or the heartfelt conversation of a person with God, during which a person, imagining God invisibly with him, pours out the feelings of his soul before Him. In the Old and New Testaments there are many indications of the need for prayer and its high significance, which is fully confirmed by the examples of the Savior and His apostles, who spent days and nights in prayer. Their followers, having practiced this lofty virtue throughout their entire lives and having experienced its necessity and beneficence, called her the queen and leader in the guise of virtues. Not a single virtue has been said so much as about prayer: it is the elevation of the mind and heart to God, by which a person enters the host of angels and becomes a participant in their bliss, is illuminated by their wisdom; Prayer is incense, the most favorable to the Lord, the most reliable bridge for the passage of worldly waves of temptations, the invincible wall of all believers, a safe haven, divine clothing, clothing the soul in great goodness and beauty. Prayer is the mother of all virtues, the guardian of chastity, the seal of virginity, a sure defense against all the tricks of our age-old enemy, the devil. Smite the adversaries with the name of Christ, that is, with prayer, as the holy fathers teach, for there is no stronger weapon than this either in heaven or on earth. Prayer is the affirmation of the world, the propitiation of God for sins, a harbor not overwhelmed by waves, enlightenment of the mind, an ax to despair, the destruction of sorrow, the birth of hope, the quenching of anger, the intercessor of the judged, the consolation of the prisoners, the salvation of the perishing: she made the whale the home of Jonah, returned Hezekiah from the gates of death to life, to the youths of Babylon, the flame turned into dew; Saint Elijah closed the sky with a prayer: Elijah was a man like us and prayed with a prayer that it would not rain: and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months(James 5:17). Even the most holy apostles, when they could not cast out unclean spirits, the Lord said to them: This kind does not come, except by prayer and fasting(Matthew 17:21).
There is nothing more precious in human life than prayer: it makes the impossible possible, the difficult easy, the inconvenient convenient: prayer is as much necessary for the human soul as air is for breathing or water for a plant. Whoever does not pray is deprived of communion with God and is likened to a dry, barren tree, which is cut down and thrown into the fire. Whoever does not pray does not receive the blessing of God on his deeds, according to the saying: Unless the Lord builds a house, the builder labors in vain(Ps. 126:1).
The misfortune of a blind man is not to see the light, but a much greater misfortune for a Christian is to lose the disposition for prayer, to deprive his soul of Divine light: darkness settles in such a soul, and after leaving the body, eternal darkness will be its lot.
Here in a brief outline is the meaning and power of prayer, and at the same time its virtues, and the plight in which there are people who are strangers to the spirit of prayer.
About what and how should one pray
The Lord's Prayer "Our Father" is the highest of all prayers, as poured out from the purest lips of the Savior Himself; it summarizes all human needs.
“When the King and God appear and proclaim in prayer we are coming,” says St. John of the Ladder, “let us not approach this without being prepared; yes, not having seen us from afar, not having weapons and attire worthy of royal standing, will command His servants and servants to bind us, to reject us far from His face, and tearing the charter of our petitions, to cast down on our face, and therefore, starting to talk with God, one must reject everything worldly from oneself, not heeding any thoughts that arise with special force during prayer.
The Monk Cassian the Roman, regarding prayer, gives the following instruction: “In order for prayer to be offered up with proper ardor, one must certainly put aside all earthly cares and not only care, one must not even think about any worldly occupation and enterprise.”
And Saint Macarius the Great says this: “When you direct your mind and thoughts to heaven and want to unite with the Lord, then Satan becomes lower than your thoughts. Just as the ancient walls of Jericho fell from the power of God, so now the walls of evil that hinder your mind will be torn down by the power of God. Standing in prayer, remember who you stand before! Be deaf and dumb to everything around you, call on the Lord for help, and He will help you. We must root out every disposition to anger and completely destroy the pernicious kindling of carnal lust, no matter where it is directed.
A person standing in prayer is the same as a warrior on the battlefield: here is a time of acquisition, precious minutes of spiritual purchase for one who opposes the enemy and, not heeding his suggestions, strengthens himself in prayer, labors, struggles, calling for help from the Ascetic of the Lord. The temptations of the enemy during prayer are countless: in these moments he brings to mind such worldly affairs, the fulfillment of which seems necessary and urgent, and non-fulfillment worries about important losses. But if you want your prayer to be heard, listen to nothing; the grace of God will remind you of what you really need even after prayer; but if it happened to forget something else and suffer from that omission in worldly affairs, then, since it followed for the sake of God, He, the All-Good, will reward it a hundredfold. During prayer, be deaf, blind and dumb to everything and everyone except God. “The beginning of prayer,” as St. John of the Ladder writes, “is to drive away thoughts at their very appearance; its middle is that state when our mind is not plundered by thoughts, and the perfection of prayer consists in the rapture to God of our whole being.
Rising from sleep, your first thought will be thanksgiving to God; with the same thought, go to sleep, having in mind that your bed, perhaps, will become your coffin. Forgiveness of offenses, even the most serious, is necessary for success in prayer, remembering the words of the apostle: Let the sun not set in your anger(Eph. 4:26).
An angel of the Lord revealed to one of the monastics about the following form of prayer, most pleasing to God: first of all, let us bring sincere thanksgiving to God, then confession of sins and contrition of the soul in feeling, and, finally, let us present to the King all our petitions.
We see from the Holy Gospel that the judge fulfilled the request of the widow, convinced only by her perseverance, so is the friend who at first refused his friend's request, but when he, without departing from him, continued to beg, he finally yielded to his perseverance ( Luke 18:5). Through these parables, the Lord teaches us how we should act in order to receive what we ask for.